Walls Closing In….

This is no way indicative to how I am feeling currently but it came to me and I had to get it down in print!

Apologies again for the true poets out there but its as good as I get!

 

The room is getting smaller,

The light merges into dark,

The air starts to become thin,

The walls are closing in.

 

Shortness of breath,

the pounding of my heart,

the sweat running down my head,

fighting this feeling of dread.

 

Struggling to speak,

my knees growing weak,

“Hi I’m Garry I have depression”,

“Recovery is my obsession!”

 

Standing under the familiar cloud,

The voice inside me screams aloud,

“you need more strength to set you free”,

“from all this pain and misery”

 

The silence is the loudest sound.

deafening me from all around,

The awkward feelings of fear and doubt,

are the only ones I think about.

 

The sound of laughter, fun and joy,

the noise I would make as a young boy.

It seems such a distant memory,

a reminder of who I used to be.

 

Slowly feeling suffocated,

alone, helpless and isolated,

and yet I know I’m not by myself,

in this journey of my mental health.

 

That one friend who writes me,

to ask how I am,

they don’t realise how important it is,

to know that someone gives a damn!

 

Taking each day nice and slow,

allowing time for my strength to grow,

making time to read and write,

keeps me busy throughout the night.

 

The hands around my throat squeeze tight,

trying to take my air with all their might,

I struggle to breathe and try to fight back,

Under pressure from this sustained attack.

 

And so the walls keep closing in,

it’s more than I can take,

and just at that vital moment,

My eyes open and I’m AWAKE!

 

 

 

Ideas and A Blank Mind!

The title does not even make sense does it?

Today I have so many plans for the blog because I am so convinced that it is helping people and I know it’s helping me that I feel like I should do more to expand the empire of TheDepressedMoose

I have been super busy today creating a new account on Facebook, a new dedicated email address (thedepressedmoose@hotmail.com) being more active on the Twitter account and trying to promote the Facebook page that I am driving people mad – but I don’t care :-)

Yesterday I received an email from people at the Mind Charity who want to use my open letter to depression post on their blog which is just amazing from my perspective. Doesn’t matter that it was me who submitted it in the first place does it? They still could have ignored my email instead I got this as a reply

Hi Garry,

 

That’s amazing, thank you so much for sending it in – what a different way of looking at something as horrible as depression, I think a lot of people will find this really inspiring.

 

We’ll definitely put this on the website – we have a couple of Olympicy ones for next week but I’ll email you when we have a slot.

 

Thanks again,

 

Rebecca Peters

Digital Officer

Direct Line: xxxxxxxx

Mind
15-19 Broadway, Stratford, London E15 4BQ
t: 020 8519 2122
w: www.mind.org.uk

So naturally that is now plastered all over Facebook because it is a big deal to me. I am not aware of the numbers of potential readers who may see this but the Mind twitter account has nearly 30k followers so I am hoping they plug the blog address as well to get more people coming my way! who knows maybe the donate button I added might be utilized (its on the sidebar for those who asked) :-)

It has got me thinking though as to what can I do now to try and turn my crusade into a way of life and then a career. It has been suggested to me that I should try made hand at writing a book about depression from the perspective of a real person and not from an expert with their own self help tips and regurgitated information on the symptoms but how would I start? Anyone read Adrian Mole back in the 80s? Maybe a diary style book like this would work using posts from my blog?

I have always liked the idea of writing a book based on my boring life but in all seriousness who would read it? But then who would have thought nearly 5000 people have read this blog so there is some form of comfort for me there providing they all buy the book LOL

I could even tap into my past sexual adventures to tap into the “mummy porn” genre that now exists and believe me I could make readers of 50 shades books blush! And write better!

Maybe some of us bloggers get all write one together with the profits being shared 70-30 in my favour – this can be negotiated of course.

So the blank mind is a cause for concern because I do not know where to go from here! suggestions please people!

A Medical Update…..

Before reading this you may want to refer back to the following post so it makes more sense especially if you are a new reader. what-does-this-mean

In the post I spoke about these “out of body” experiences I was having and today finally got to speak to my Doctor about it. With my Dr you need to give at least a weeks notice before you can see him!

So besides visiting him for my anxiety,IBS and a new infection I appear to have picked up…sigh I felt inclined to finally come out the closet (to quote HelloSailor) and tell him about what happens when I am near a busy road or train lines etc.

Straight away he started typing a referral letter to see a psychiatrist! Really not sure how I feel about this but I guess if it is good enough for the likes of Frank Costello and Tony Soprano (like my mafia links there? really should add them more often!) then it is good enough for me. However the irony of him writing about how my anxiety and IBS are preventing me from wanting to leave the house and travel too far and then him telling me where they are based and asking how I would get there was not lost on me!

He has no idea of what it meant which makes me not knowing feel better in a sense but then now I wonder what the shrink will make it all! How complex live as a moose is!

It was actually kind of comforting for me to know my Dr is concerned about the apparent downturn in my depression, he really feels more like an old friend than my GP.

My depression score has moved from moderate back to severe so it appears that the depression is fighting back and this will be a lot more difficult than I was anticipating especially as I thought I was doing so much better! The good news is it has been months since any thought of suicide so there is some positive news to be thankful for.

So now the depressed moose has become an anxious, depressed, shitting himself (literally some times LOL) Moose and that is fine with me because the more I am aware of my ailments the better prepared I can be.

Now I have to learn to wait weeks or months to see the shrink! it may be well an interesting ride!

 

The Anxious Moose

Anxiety is something new for me. I have always been a confident person and never had an issue dealing with anxiety.

I am comfortable meeting new people and being in situations where I am amongst strangers because I have the ability to mix well with others, my built up wall turns into a barrier of sound and friendliness because I am empathetic towards others and in my mind I feel like someone needs to break the ice and it always appears to be me.

Yet inside is a much different story.

I can hear myself screaming inside to shut up, stop talking, just sit there in silence, people do not want to keep hearing your voice! I feel like I overpower people with my constant need to be heard and noticed. At the training day I attended last week there were times when I walked out the room because I felt that I was beginning to rub people the wrong way, that I was suffocating others with my constant input and I was livid with myself. I can’t speak for the other people who attended the training but I suspect they all wanted me to shut up at times as well!

So where has this sudden anxiety come from? It is easy to just blame my medication but the reality is that it has always been there but I did not notice the signs or was too busy focusing on other issues that were more pressing to be dealt with.

The following information comes from the Mind website which is becoming a firm favourite of mine these days!

==================================================================================

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is something we all experience from time to time. Most people can relate to feeling tense, uncertain and, perhaps, fearful at the thought of sitting an exam, going into hospital, attending an interview or starting a new job. You may worry about feeling uncomfortable, appearing foolish or how successful you will be. In turn, these worries can affect your sleep, appetite and ability to concentrate. If everything goes well, the anxiety will go away.

This type of short-term anxiety can be useful. Feeling nervous before  an exam can make you feel more alert, and enhance your performance. However, if the feelings of anxiety overwhelm you, your ability to concentrate and do well may suffer.

The ‘fight or flight’ reflex

Anxiety and fear can protect you from danger. When you feel under threat, anxiety and fear trigger the release of hormones, such as adrenalin. Adrenalin causes your heart to beat faster to carry blood  where it’s most needed. You breathe faster to provide the extra oxygen required for energy. You sweat to prevent overheating. Your mouth may feel dry, as your digestive system slows down to allow more blood to be sent to your muscles. Your senses become heightened and your brain becomes more alert.

These changes make your body able to take action and protect you in a  dangerous situation either by running away or fighting. It is known as the ‘fight or flight’ reflex. Once the danger has passed, other hormones are     released, which may cause you to shake as your muscles start to relax.

This response is useful for protecting you against physical dangers; for example, it can help you run away from wild animals, attackers, fires etc   very quickly. The response is not so useful if you want to run away from exams, public speaking, a driving test, or having an injection. This is because, if there is no physical threat, and you have no need to physically run away or fight, the effects of adrenaline subside more slowly, and you may go on feeling agitated for a long time.

Severe anxiety

If the anxiety stays at a high level for a long time, you may feel that it is difficult to deal with everyday life. The anxiety may become severe; you may feel powerless, out of control, as if you are about to die or go mad. Sometimes, if the feelings of fear overwhelm you, you may experience a panic attack.

What is a panic attack?

A panic attack is an exaggeration of the body’s normal response to fear, stress or excitement. It is the rapid build-up of overwhelming sensations, such as a pounding heartbeat, feeling faint, sweating, nausea, chest pains, breathing discomfort, feelings of losing control, shaky limbs and legs turning to jelly. If you experience this, you may fear that you are going mad, blacking out, or having a heart attack. You may be convinced you are going to die in the course of the attack – making this a terrifying experience.

Panic attacks come on very quickly, symptoms usually peaking within 10 minutes. Most panic attacks last for between 5 and 20 minutes. Some people report attacks lasting for up to an hour, but they are likely to be  experiencing one attack after another, or a high level of anxiety after  the initial attack. You may have one or two panic attacks and never  experience another. Or you may have attacks once a month or several  times each week. For some people they seem to come without warning  and strike at random.

Panic attacks can also come in the night and wake you up. These nighttime attacks occur if your brain is on ‘high alert’ (due to anxiety) and can detect small changes in your body which it then interprets as a sign of danger. Night-time attacks may be particularly frightening, as you may feel confused and are helpless to do anything to spot them coming.

Why do some people feel more anxious than others?

If you worry more than others, it could be because of your personality, current circumstances or your past or childhood experience; it could be a  mixture of these.

Past experiences

If something distressing happened to you in the past, and you were unable to deal with your emotions at the time, you may become anxious  about facing similar situations again in case they stir up the same feelings of distress.

Feeling anxious could also be something you learned early on in life; for example, your family may have tended to see the world as hostile and dangerous and you’ve learned to respond in the same way.

Some theories suggest that you may inherit a tendency to be more anxious, and so it is a part of your personality.

Everyday life and habits

On a day-to-day basis, caffeine, excess sugar, poor diet, drug misuse, exhaustion, stress and the side effects of certain medication can also mimic and trigger symptoms of anxiety.

Fear of losing control

You may worry about the future. Sometimes, if you feel you are not in control of many aspects of your life, you can start to feel anxious about events beyond your control, such as the threat of global warming, of  being attacked, of developing cancer, or of losing a job.

After a while, you can start to fear the symptoms of anxiety, especially feeling out of control. This sets up a vicious circle. You may feel anxious because you dread feeling the symptoms of anxiety, and then you experience those symptoms because you are having anxious thoughts.

What are the effects of anxiety?

Anxiety can have an effect on both your body and your mind.

Physical effects

Short-term effects:

  • Increased muscular tension can cause discomfort and headaches
  • Rapid breathing may make you feel light-headed and shaky, and give you pins and needles.
  • Rising blood pressure can make you more aware of a pounding heart.
  • Changes in the blood supply to your digestive system may cause nausea and sickness.
  • You may feel an urgent need to visit the toilet, and get ‘butterflies’ in your stomach.

Long-term effects:

  • Fear combined with tension and lack of sleep can weaken your immune system, lowering your resistance to infection.
  • Increased blood pressure can cause heart or kidney problems, and contribute to the chances of having a stroke.
  • You may experience digestive difficulties.
  • You may also feel depressed. (See Mind’s booklet, Understanding  depression)

Psychological effects

Anxiety can make you more fearful, alert, on edge, irritable, and unable to relax or concentrate. You may feel an overwhelming desire to seek the reassurance of others, to be weepy and dependent.

The way you think can be affected: if you fear that the worst is going to happen, you may start to see everything negatively and become very pessimistic. For example, if a friend is late, you may imagine and worry  that he or she has had an accident or doesn’t want to see you; even though your friend may simply be late because their train was delayed.

To cope with these feelings and sensations, you may feel tempted to start smoking or drinking too much, or misusing drugs. You may hold on to relationships that either encourage your anxious outlook or help you avoid situations you find distressing – and so stop you dealing with what’s worrying you.

Impact on work, leisure and relationships

If your anxiety is severe, you may find it difficult to hold down a job, develop or maintain good relationships, or simply to enjoy leisure time. Sleep problems may make your anxious feelings even worse and reduce your ability to cope. (See Mind’s booklet, How to cope with sleep problems.)

For some people, anxiety becomes so overwhelming that it takes over their lives. They may experience severe or very frequent panic attacks (see ‘Panic disorder‘) for no apparent reason, or have a persistent ‘free-floating’ sense of anxiety. Some people may develop a phobia about going out, or may withdraw from contact with people – even their family and friends. Others have obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviour, such as endlessly washing their hands.

What type of anxiety disorders are there?

There are several types of anxiety and panic disorders, because people respond to anxiety and panic attacks in different ways. Some of the more common disorders are outlined below.

Phobias

Phobia is about irrational fear. If you have a phobia, your anxiety will be triggered by very specific situations or objects; such as spiders, heights, flying or crowded places, even when there is no danger to you. For example, you may know a spider isn’t poisonous or won’t bite you, but this still doesn’t reduce your anxiety. Likewise, you may know that it is safe to be out on a balcony in a high-rise block, yet, feel terrified to go out on it or even enjoy the view from behind the windows inside the building. (See Mind’s booklet, Understanding phobias for further information.)

Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD)

You may be diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder if you have felt anxious for a long time and often feel fearful, but are not anxious about anything in particular. The strength of symptoms can vary.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviour are typical for this  disorder. You may, for example, have obsessive thoughts about being contaminated with germs or fear that you have forgotten to lock the door or turn off the oven. You may feel compelled to wash your hands, do things in a particular order or keep repeating what you are doing a certain number of times. (See Mind’s booklet Understanding obsessive-compulsive disorder.)

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

If you have experienced or witnessed a very stressful or threatening event, e.g. war, serious accident, violent death or rape, you may later develop post-traumatic stress disorder. You are likely to experience flashbacks and have dreams about the event, and these are likely to trigger strong anxiety and feelings you experienced during the actual event. (See Mind’s booklet Understanding post-traumatic stress disorder.)

Panic disorder

Panic attacks may sometimes occur for no reason, and you may not be able to understand why. You may feel as if your mind has gone totally out of control . When you experience panic attacks that seem completely unpredictable and you can’t identify what has triggered them, you may experience panic disorder. Because the onset of panic seems  unpredictable, you may live in fear of having another panic attack. This fear can become so intense it can trigger another panic attack.

How can I learn to manage my anxiety myself?

There are many things you can do to reduce your anxiety to a more manageable level. Taking action may make you feel more anxious at first. Even thinking about anxiety can make it worse. Therefore, a common – and natural – response to anxiety is to avoid what triggers your fear. For example, if you are afraid of spiders, running away every time you see  one, is likely to increase your fear. Avoiding an exam because you feel anxious is likely to make you feel worse. Therefore facing up to anxiety, and how it makes you feel, can be the first step in breaking the cycle of fear and insecurity.

==================================================================================

Some interesting points there especially in how it relates to me and my anxiety.

I definitely have an issue with things that are beyond my control causing me the most problems, An example of this currently is my medical certificate which allows me to claim benefits. My last one expired on 28th July and I have no letter from the benefits office asking me to send the new one in, usually I get a letter with a return envelope enclosed but so far I have had nothing so I do not know where to send the new one or even if they have stopped my benefits which of course increases my anxiety further! Money, or lack of, seems to be my biggest problem and the most constant factor in my depression and anxiety!

I am convinced the issues I am now having with IBS is coming from my anxiety which forms a nice vicious circle to be in because one causes the other! some days I can be visiting the toilet up to 10 times which is not natural and this makes me fear leaving the sanctuary of my home! I have to really force myself to go out too far because of this and I am on a constant state of “red alert” (or should that be brown alert?) because of the worry of being caught short.

I have made an appointment to see my Dr today because this anxiety and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is beginning to ruin my life!

 

Stats and The Story So Far…

 

So one of the things you have worked out about me so far is that I am obsessed with the stats page concerning my blog.

On my bad days it’s a case of doom and gloom seeing daily views fluctuating and all the good days it’s all about WOW look how people have read my humble musings! Of course the reality is that blogging takes a long time to build an audience and I am finally getting to grips with the patience needed and as today is, so far, a good day I wanted to share some stats with you because I am so proud of what I have achieved thus far.

Here are my all time stats as of 30th July 2012

  • 4320 all time views
  • 213 views on my busiest day
  • 125 average daily views
  • 43 different countries have read my blog
  • 85 followers — wowee! I am so pleased with this number!
  • 450 total likes :-)
  • 699 comments on my blog
  • 2 turtle doves
  • 1 partridge in a pear tree

Ok I may have thrown the last 2 in to check you was still reading but the most important stat so far is…

  1. One happier moose!

 

Here is a top 10 of the most visited posts

Top 10 most visited…

 

  1. Home Page
  2. The Man Behind the Moose
  3. Depression and Me
  4. Moose Tracks
  5. Swimming Against the Tide
  6. How Do You Say Sorry When it’s Too Late
  7. Why I Blog and How Often
  8. Dear Depression…
  9. My Stalker
  10. Seemed Like a Good Idea At The Time

 

There are 70 posts so you need to do some catching up if you missed any (HINT HINT)

When I started writing I had no idea what to expect from it but these stats are so uplifting for me. The best thing about doing this is how much better it has made me feel, like I am achieving something. There are some hidden gems in my blogs that I am surprised did not make the top 10 in terms of viewers but I am proud of how much my writing has given people something to read because THEY want to read what I have to say.

Hopefully I am helping people as well because that would just be the icing on the cake if it was the case!

So there you have it, turning my stats obsession into a positive post who would have thought it!

 

 

Behind Every Good Man….

image

Mr and Mrs Depressed!

……Is a good woman! If a picture is worth a 1000 words what this picture say?

This picture says to me that despite the darkness of my depression, and the apparent sadness this image indicates I have a good woman behind me every step of the way.

Look at Sheryl’s hands wrapped tightly around me does it not show an image of her protecting me? Well to me it does at least.

 

Related Posts:

My Tribute to Sheryl

Searching For “Normal”

 

 

It appears, to me at least, a common theme that people with Mental Heath Illness are always asking “why can’t I be normal?”. I used paint to create the photo above taken from Dictionary.com and the definition of Normal as found on their website.

What is normal though? Does anyone really aspire to be considered normal?

Of course these are questions that only each individual can answer but lets take a look at the definitions and break them down a bit more, or at least try to!

conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

Is it me or is using the definition “not abnormal” just absurd! anyway back to the point

I choose not to conform to what is considered “standard” I am unique in my own way and I don’t want to be just a face in the crowd. Besides what is the standard these days? How can you define something as standard especially in the world in which we live with ever-changing trends and innovations.

Normal behaviour 20 years ago is considered not normal now so how can we try to achieve the unachievable?  More importantly why would we want to?

Do I want to be considered normal because I send letters by hand and not by email? (for the record I don’t do that but it works as an example for this point!) Because before email became so accessible that was the “normal” way to communicate,

So who’s standard are we conforming to? Switch the tables around and tell me is someone abnormal for sending a letter? are they not normal for only having a landline telephone and not a mobile (cell) phone?

Even if we speed things up and arrive at the advent of social media. The norm was to be on MySpace but now it’s not the standard thing to do.

My point, badly made as it is, is that normal does not exist other than in our own minds because the standard we seek to conform to is ever-changing which means the rules are never the same. Rule breaking is also not considered normal so we all are screwed if we are aiming for normal.

This next definition really annoys me!
free from any mental disorder; sane.   

Do you have idea of how many mental disorders there are currently recognised by the World Health Organisation (WHO)

Have a guess! 5? 10? 20? Keep trying!

List of Mental Disorders recognised by WHO taken from Wikipedia

 

The photo above is a screenshot I took from Wikipedia of the list of Mental Disorders that are officially recognised. Click the Wikipedia link for the full-page and you will be surprised at the number.

With such a high number of recognised disorders surely that means that there is high percentage of people with Mental Illnesses and as such how we considered not normal because we are not “free from any mental disorder”.

According to the Mind website 1 in 6 people will suffer with depression at some stage of their lives so does that mean it is now normal? Does it conform to a standard as, with it being 1 in 6 people, that must mean everyone know someone with depression, even if they don’t really know about them having it.  Imagine if everyone who suffered from a mental illness actually got the help they needed and went to their doctor for a diagnosis the 1 in 6 number would really be more like 1 in 4. I do not consider myself as abnormal for having depression and neither should anyone with a mental disorder think of themselves that way either when the truth is that so many people are in the same situation. Maybe that definition should be changed in the near future so that those who are considered sane are the abnormal ones!

Could you even try and build a description of normal and what you think it means to be that way?

Or does normal to you mean simply that you do not have a mental illness?

Everyone is different of course but I will not hide my depression from people. In fact it is something of a relief for me to tell people that I have depression. I am not “depressed Garry” I am “Garry with depression” and to me there is a difference between the two. I am happy to say I have depression because then I know that I have sought out help and received my diagnosis and that its not simply because I am a “miserable bastard” or faking an illness. If my leg was broken you would show me sympathy and talk about the wheres and hows of my injury. Why can you not be like that with me because I have depression?

I went to a training group last week with people from The elephant in the room community and this meant I was in a room with people who have mental illnesses and do you know what happened? nothing! not one thing other than a meeting of minds from people who want to help others! There was no petty squabbles no mad moose running around going mad just people being “normal” with a common goal. Here we have the point that because the dictionary says we are “abnormal” it doesn’t mean the reality is true!

What you and I consider as normal are completely different and that is fine with me. You carry on your path to seek normality and I will go my own merry way because I am Garry and normal does not fit with how I see myself.

 

Things To Cheer Me (And You) Up!

image

Queen Lilybet practicing her “crazy face”

I feel like screaming “ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” from the window tonight so to cheer me up I have a treat for you.

This is my daughter Elizabeth AKA Lilybet, she is not very camera shy and often likes us to take her photo while she experiments with different facial expressions. She is only 3 and already been photographed more than Angelina Jolie!

What I love about children of this age is the expressions they come out with and things they do that just put a smile on your face so I wanted to share some of them with you!

  • (on finding Mummy and Daddy having a “quiet time” moment, we thought she was asleep and didnt hear her….)”daddy why are you stuck in Mummy?”
  • (on finding Daddy eating an ice cream)”wait a second, you have ice cream! let me sit on your lap and we can share”
  • (after sharing said ice cream)”you have one lick and I will eat the rest”
  • (after seeing my steak and chips on the table)”lets sit together so I can eat your dinner!”
  • (after trying some of my steak)”this is scrumptious!”
  • (after I fell about laughing at something she said, she folded her arms gave me her “angry face” and said)”I TOLD YOU NOT TO LAUGH AT ME!”
  • (on being asked to choose a name for our new kitten)” we can call her CAT!”
  • (on seeing me browsing the Toysrus website for a pink slide for her birthday)”ooohhh, pink slide, my favourite colour, I MUST HAVE IT!”
  • (after I came home from hospital after my vasectomy, she gave me a hug and said)”my hugs make you feel better and your hugs make me feel better!”
  • (after seeing my shorts had slipped a bit at the back)”ewwww I can see your bum cracker!”
  • (after I told she couldn’t eat her dinner in bed as she makes too much mess)”I have an idea Daddy, why don’t you put a towel down so I don’t make any mess”
  • (after being told that I don’t want to play “hide and seek””ok you count and I will hide”
  • (after being told I don’t want to play catch)”OK you just throw the ball to me and I will catch it”

This is the story of how we ended up getting a cat. Every day when she woke up the first thing she would say is “can I have a kitten pleaseeeeee”. This went on for weeks until one afternoon she woke up and went searching for something in the flat. Sheryl and I both asked what she was looking for and she replied “I can’t find my kitten” So naturally Daddy gave in to his princess! I have noticed she keeps mentioning a puppy lately and I think I am being played….

She has also now learnt to open a new tab on Google chrome and click Netflix on the favourites and starts watching her programs on the pc!

Now everytime I leave my pc desk she asks to watch netflix!

She also LOVED playing on the Wii especially Just Dance games so here is a treat for you and if this doesnt make you smile then your either dead or have no heart!

Somewhere is a video clip of me dancing on the Wii without knowing my lovely wife was filming it, I MAY add it on to a blog post one day depending on the number of requests I get to view it…….

Friday Funk Has Lifted….

What a difference a day makes thank God Friday is over! 6 hours sleep and still emotional over the amazing opening ceremony last night!.

There was an amazing rendition of “Abide With Me” by Emeli Sande that reduced me to tears, this hymn holds a special place in my heart as it is played at family funerals.

I hope you can see the video if not you MUST search for it on youtube!

What did you make of the ceremony? Was it too British for some people overseas to understand?

I loved it especially when James Bond met the Queen!

Proud to be British this morning!

 

Help…It’s an Emergency…Of Sorts

Before I start I feel I should explain to my friends outside of England that 999 is the number here for the emergency services. Picture me whimpering, anxious and in a bad way as I make a call to 999…

999 Operator : 999 which emergency service do you require?

me: I….I’m not sure which one can help me but I have an emergency!

999:  What is the emergency Sir?

me:  please send someone I am getting desperate!

999:  ok Sir, help will be with you soon, please tell me the emergency so we can help

me:  is this call confidential?

999: yes but I need to know what the emergency is!

me: (sobbing) I HAVE NO BISCUITS IN THE FLAT!

999: sorry I think I miss heard you! can you repeat so we can get you help?

me: there are….no..biscuits…in…my flat

999: hangs up!

 

UPDATE: for my good friends across the pond biscuits = cookies

=================================================================================

Apparently this is not considered an emergency! try telling that to me whilst I sit on my knees reaching into every nook and cranny of the cupboards looking for the invisible biscuits.

I think I might go onto Dragon’s Den or The Apprentice with a business proposal of an emergency biscuit courier service where we have a website and a hotline for people to reach out to us in times of desperation and we get them biscuits delivered within a certain time frame.

Naturally we will charge an extortionate fee because after all we are running a business!