Guess who’s back, back again
Moose’s back, tell a friend
Guess who’s back, guess who’s back,
Guess who’s back. Guess who’s back?
For as long as I can remember I have not felt this strong mentally. The shock of what happened 10 days has been to such an extent that the Garry who wallowed with his depression, lazing around on his backside all day and expecting things to come to him and be done for him has seeming packed his bags and moved on.
I have rediscover my love for myself, my confidence and, more importantly rediscovered Garry of old.
I have complete sympathy for Mrs Moose and understand why she had to walk away, for too long has she been a mother, wife, housekeeper and unable to look after herself because the man she fell in love in had turned into a shell of that person. I should have been more aware of her needs but as we all know depression is one selfish bastard of an illness and its hard to focus on other things when we are so busy just clinging on to the edge before we drop off. Yet now I see everything so clearly now, and giving up has never been my style. We finally spoke face to face and will be trying again in a few weeks after she has returned from a much needed holiday where she can recharge her batteries.
How on earth can you love someone who hates themselves? quite simply you cannot and poor Sheryl has been completely run down trying to deal with me and not having enough time for herself, or even quality Garry and Sheryl time. This will change, now is time for me to step up and be the protector and not the protected.
Whilst I can appreciate her apprehension, as obviously words are easy to say, believe me when I tell you all that never again will she feel so alone in our marriage. There are numerous posts on this blog explaining how I feel (and have always felt) about her and just the fact that she is giving us one last try is welcome news to me because she is my soul mate, my best friend and my shining light.
She makes me want to be a better person and you cannot ask for anymore from a partner. I have changed so much because of her over the years into a much better version of Garry, ask ex partners LOL they will tell you what a different man I am since being with her.
My relationship with Brandon is getting back on track as well, we have had a great 10 days of being just the two of us, and once the shock of seeing Dad with an Iron in his hand subsided he has been brilliant. His room even managed to find the carpet that once was visible under all his shit and he has kept it clean too!
While I am not naive enough to think I have beaten depression I can finally tell the world how fucking good I feel currently because I haven’t had a 10 day cycle of feeling this great for years!
The strength, the laughter, the “don’t give a fuck” attitude, the smile and the being able to look at the person in the mirror and like what i see has returned and depression can, quite simply, go fuck itself.
With the support of some amazing friends, people who have only recently come into the moose’s world at that has been a huge part of this and my advice to anyone reading this with depression wondering what the biggest thing for me was is to get out there and make friends, find a support network and you will be amazed by the level of support you receive from strangers who suddenly become the best of friends.
Ant, Maria, WeeGee, Amy, Jamie, Kimmy, Gary, Emmy, the moose and friends support group on Facebook i run and others i forgot to mention have been amazing and really stood up for moose. While others have disappointed me with their disappearances I am too busy focusing on those who were there for me to care about you. ”friends” who have always come to me for support who simply deserted me the past week or so, I don’t forget these things in a hurry….
Man oh man the moose sounds bitter doesn’t he lol
I can see all the faults I have had over the past 3 years or more, all the negative things I have said and done and at the same time I am fucking amazed at what I have achieved too!
I have also not paid to play bingo in 10 days! more success on the road to recovery…
Moose likes Moose again and this is the biggest victory of them all!