Moose Meets Psychologist

In the spirit of trying new things today I finally had my first therapy session with a psychologist with the Mental Health Team at Goodmayes hospital.

I had a few sessions of counselling a few months ago which I had to pay for, so obviously that couldn’t continue as it was well outside my budget, but helpful at the time.

Today was a different situation though, it has been much needed and a long time in coming. I went in with an open mind and was happy to talk about what has been going on recently, in the past few years and the long forgotten past, but if I am going to get anything out of it may as well go the full monty and clear all the skeletons.

After a short while the lovely lady had come to the conclusion that group therapy is not for me as I am “too gregarious and would dominate the group” which I had to agree with. There is Garry in a group and Garry on his own, and regular readers and friends will know which one needs working on the most! She was struck at how different I was within minutes of being sitting alone in the waiting room to being in a room with someone to bounce off.

Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) was the conclusion she drew from the time we spent together, hardly surprising considering how I view myself, but nice for me to have a label on it to allow me to focus on dealing with it.

What I find interesting is that I am more concerned about certain people, their welfare etc, than I am about myself. Is it because deep down I feel not worthy? Why am I more worried about helping them, fixing them, than dealing with my issues?

Something that will certainly be worked on, because the last few nights I have been having a series of revelations about myself, not anything that I have forced either. It feels like the worm is turning in terms of how I see myself and what I bring to the table. I actually feel a lot more positive.

The only downside is that I have to wait “a few months” for a space to come up – hopefully January but as we all know nothing is guaranteed when it comes to mental health treatment. More important between now and then is that I continue to question the thoughts and feelings that contribute to my depression and that is something that I will concentrate on.

If I can see myself the way others see me, then the world could actually be my oyster and I can move on from the worst year of my life.

Moving forwards and leaving the past behind, while learning lessons from it is my new goal.

I have no idea what clicked over the weekend, but something has and I like it!

And the best part of all?

I always assumed I had ANTs in my pants…turns out I have them in my head.. (groans)

 

 

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6 comments on “Moose Meets Psychologist

  1. Badumtisch!

    In all seriousness though, good on you. I really hope you’ll manage to get a space to come up, because it seems like you’re taking to it really positively – I know that it’s working even for a grouch like me. And as a fellow depressive, all my sympathy and compassion to you.

  2. Glad to hear your time with psychologist was good, and hope you dont have to wait too long to go again. People seem to be seeing psychologists more now which is a good thing. Psychiatrists are fine with diagnosing/meds etc, but it is someone to talk to which helps. I have had a lot of help with Mind over the past year, and I am in a much better place than i was this time last year. It is amazing what we learn about ourselves through depression. I would rather help someone else than myself, always easier to help someone else. You take care Garry

  3. Glad you got to go speak to her, and that you are having these revelations, and working out what you need to deal with. I’m sorry you’ve still got to wait a few months, the NHS waiting lists are ridiculous, but hopefully it will be worth the wait in the end! Also saw that you were nominated in the This Week in Mentalists Awards 2013, that is brilliant! Well done you, you really deserve it too! Take care, and remember you can and will get through this!! xx

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