Seeing Through People

I lie a lot to people these days,

Its a big decision to make,

But to tell someone the honest truth about how you feel,

Is often more than they can take.

 

They might ask how you are,

but are they asking because they care?

Or a sense of obligation?

do they really want you to share?

 

I grit my teeth and show the world a smile,

To mask the real pain inside,

“I’m doing great”, “I am fine”

in fact I’m looking for somewhere to hide.

 

Yet survival comes naturally to me,

I CAN do this on my own,

So when you read about how down I am,

you can fuck off instead of moan.

 

I do not need people around me,

who simply drain my energy.

I’m moving forwards at my own pace,

In my own style unique to me.

 

I’ll take the risks that I see fit,

and watch the cards as they fall,

right or wrong this is what I want,

No challenge too big or too small.

 

I will find my way with friends by my side,

not stabbing me in the back,

Leaving behind the users, abusers,

and those who give me flack.

 

I am no longer here to help just you,

and neglecting the most important thing.

This is my life, my journey, My adventure

and I’m excited to see what the future may bring.

 

I have a few friends who see right through,

the lies that I occasionally spit out,

These are the ones I can turn to,

when there are times of doubt.

 

And for the others be aware,

that you’re being left in the past,

No more will I allow the hurt and pain you cause,

to stop this train from going fast.

 

What You Did..

You gave up on me

You walked away

You broke our wedding vows

The day you decided not to stay.

 

You tore my heart out of my chest

it took me by surprise,

you never even looked to see

the tears streaming from my eyes.

 

You turned your back on me,

when I needed you so bad,

I tried so hard to make you happy,

I never meant to make you sad.

 

You took my soul in the black bags,

when you left me that fateful day,

You made me a shell of a man,

The broken mess I am today.

 

You ignore me, You avoid me,

and act like I dont exist,

You treat our love like it never was

You forgot about the bliss.

 

You hate me, You just don’t care,

about the pain I am going through,

You moved on so damn quickly,

You have no idea how much I still love you.

 

You deserve so much more,

than to be with a man so weak,

You forgot your love was what kept me going,

surviving each day or week.

 

You will never find another man,

to love you like I do,

You don’t think of me yet,

I cant stop loving you.

 

You left me broken, scared and alone,

I only ever wanted you,

You have taken my confidence and my heart,

I will never find another you.

 

You were made for me,

I loved you with all my heart.

but you didn’t want to fight for us

You ripped it all apart.

 

You deserve so much more,

than this pathetic fool,

Find someone else if that is what you need,

But I will never get over YOU.

 

 

Trigger Warning…..It (almost) Killed Me…

This has been in my drafts file for a while, not indicative of how I feel or felt at the time.

No suicidal thoughts here before anyone starts to panic, but when the creative juices flow I just let it out.

This is one of many drafts that I will be posting in the coming days.

If anyone has any suicidal thoughts or any issues with suicide I would suggest not reading this

 

 

I left the house with many bad thoughts running through my brain,

My tears falling down my face like the heaviest of rain.

Alone and scared I made my way to the pre-selected place,

The time had come to stop wearing that fake smile upon my face.

 

The light was staring right at me,

I knew the time was right,

Once last look at the world I knew,

On this, my final night.

 

On to the track I hurled myself,

As the train came roaring past,

The pain would soon be over,

the next breath would be my last.

 

I missed the train and landed on the track the other side,

Cursing my luck I sat on the verge and openly I cried.

But there was another way, and other things to try.

I wandered to my next location with a grimace and a sigh.

 

The cars were racing down below me,

I wouldn’t feel a thing,

Released myself from the bridge over them,

and see what the landing would bring.

 

As my luck would have it,

I landed just behind a passing lorry,

It seems I couldn’t time it right,

Another reason to be sorry.

 

Drowning would be the best idea,

because I’m not a swimmer,

I threw myself in to the sea,

Hoping to be the fishes dinner.

 

Alas a passing fisherman saw me in me mid flight,

He dragged me from the water and pulled me up into the light,

He spoke to me with kindly words, tried his best to make me alright.

This was not my real destiny, I had to start to fight.

 

Back home I sat all alone,

The darkness my only friend.

Until I saw all the missed calls, and messages on my phone,

This was not the way for it to end.

 

The more I thought, the more I felt relieve,

that I held on a little longer,

It only goes to show,

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

 

 

 

 

I Hate….

I hate the way you walked away,

so easily and carefree,

I hate the way you could so readily,

Feel nothing over me.

 

I hate the fact I meant so little,

so easy to forget.

I hate the fact that I’m the only one hurting,

and you have no remorse or regret.

 

I hate the way you could move on,

without a backwards glance.

I hate the fact I tried so hard,

And you never gave it a second chance.

 

I hate the fact I cry at night,

While you’re out with friends having fun.

I hate the fact I always knew,

That you were my special one.

 

I hate the fact I can let go,

no matter how hard I have tried,

I hate the way you changed so much,

full of stubbornness and pride.

 

I hate the fact you do not care,

that the love we had has gone.

I hate the way you flicked a switch

and can just carry on.

 

I hate the fact that 3 months on,

I miss you more each day.

I hate knowing you ignore me,

never listening to what I have to say.

 

I hate the fact you treat me this way

and no matter what you do…

I hate knowing that despite all this

I can’t stop loving you!

The Ring…

Placed on my finger,

with tenderness and love,

In my head I hear a choir singing,

Like the angels up above.

 

 

A symbol of commitment,

For all the world to see,

I belong to you,

How it was always meant to be.

 

 

Worn with pride and happiness,

My own lucky charm,

With the ring on my finger,

I would come to no harm.

 

 

Love, honour and cherish,

In good or in bad health,

The ring once on my finger,

Sits in its box on the shelf.

 

 

My finger naked without it,

My heart broken and torn

The ring now in it’s box

Never again to be worn.

 

 

Time to move on,

Let go of the past,

I thought this was forever

Never dreamed it would not last.

 

 

The word “divorce” scares me,

But do what you need.

Let me go and find someone else

I have to be freed!

 

 

You made your choice,

You decided not to fight,

I can hold my head high

and say I tried with all my might.

 

 

Release me back into the world,

free from this torture and pain

Someone else with want me,

I will find love again!

 

 

The options are clear now,

Come home or stay away.

I’m ready for both choices,

It’s just another day!

 

 

But don’t keep me waiting,

Decide one way or the other.

Mistake number 1 was walking away,

Thinking I’m waiting forever will be another.

 

 

Image credit : Google

Image credit : Google

The Recurring Dream

I dreamed of you again last night,

And the magic from the first time we met.

Walking hand in hand at midnight,

In the rain, it didn’t matter that we got wet.

 

Sitting in the field as the sun went down,

Watching the moon and stars,

Talking and laughing for hours

Lost in the precious time of ours.

 

We laughed and cried as we shared our past,

enchanted by each others stories.

We didn’t dwell on the pain too much,

And emphasized all our glories.

 

The rain came and went, and back came the heat,

As the grass soaked out feet,

But still we sit there alone with each other

Two lost souls destined to meet.

 

As the sun began to rise again,

And the birds song their morning song,

We realised how much time had been spent outside

And soon you would be gone.

 

The perfect way to spend a night,

with great company by my side.

No pressure, no technology, no phones

Just me and you at one with nature, it fills me up with pride.

 

And just like that you have to go,

a farewell with a gentle, tender kiss

And in my heart I truly know,

It will never ever be like this.

 

As quick as you’re gone,

I’m wide awake, alone in my double bed.

It felt so real, so natural, so perfect

But alas it was all in my head.

 

Another day spent all alone,

waiting for the recurring dream.

And when it comes it will be as good as before

Things can be as wonderful as they seem.

 

A dinner date, night out at the pub,

I wonder what will happen tonight,

As long as it’s the two of us.

I know it will be a perfect night.

 

The alarm will go again at seven,

Taking you away again out of the blue,

It’s not very often I remember my dreams.

I pray these ones come true!

 

©thedepressedmoose 2013

 

Death of The Depressed Moose

I gave it everything,

I fought my best,

Now I close my eyes

For the eternal rest.

 

No sad songs, no mourners,

Nothing good to remember,

No graveside to visit

From January to December.

 

As my body slowly hits the floor,

Know that I really couldn’t have given more.

And when they find me alone in my peaceful final sleep,

Let the angels take me away and my soul they keep.

 

As the curtain closes and Abide With Me plays

Remember the laughter and carefree days.

Drinking, dancing out having fun,

Raise a Jack Daniels for me, have more than one.

 

Scatter my ashes, let the wind take me away,

On an everlasting journey when I can always stay.

Do not look back and think of what went wrong

Garry is still here but the depressed moose has gone.

 

No grieving, no mourning, no feelings of regret

Life as moose was really as good as it could get.

No flowers, no crying I don’t want your tears

Let me go alone on this journey without holding on to your fears.

 

No more pain and hurt, no more suffering

No more dreaming of what might have been.

The moose has left the building to a final high five

Dont worry about Garry he is well and alive!

 

Laughing and joking, a smile back on his face

Enjoying life, getting out all over the place.

The new chapter beginning, the start of a new race.

Garry taking on the world – WATCH THIS SPACE!

All I Want..

I’m not a great poet

or even a great writer

but when it comes to our love

I’m an unbeatable fighter

 

All I want is to heal your pain

help you discover your smile again

With my strength and desire

I’d walk through walls and into a fire.

 

Your hurting and suffering

I wish I could do more

Be the man you can turn to

to keep the wolves from the door.

 

With my arms wrapped tightly around you,

in my powerful embrace

Ready to wipe away any tears

That trickle slowly down your face.

 

I’ve cried all my tears,

faced up to my fears.

Now it’s all about helping you

and how my love can get you through.

 

Friendship and love that this never dies,

I know that from when I looked into your eyes.

Your scared, hurting and afraid

I want to rescue you and come to your aid.

 

Together we faced and beat a lot more

standing strong alongside each other.

Your my best friend, my soul mate

There will never be another!

 

Let me heal you, or at least let you see

The massive changes that have happened to me,

you had my back for so long, protected me

Now I am here to return the favour, happily!

 

Just one little chat, when the time is right,

I will be waiting all day and all night.

Just say the words and I will be here

even to listen to things I dont want to hear.

 

Let me see in your eyes, that the love has gone.

I dont believe it has or will, but I could be wrong.

take all the time you need, I’m going nowhere

name a time and place I will be there!

 

To hold your hands and cradle your face

The thought of this is my biggest wish

Have faith in my recovery let me show you,

Im back to the man you thought was a “dish”

 

Until that day here alone I pray,

that your pain and suffering soon goes away.

And that you remember how good things had been

And back you come to fulfill my dream

 

@Thedepressedmoose2013

Sounds

The clock is ticking loud and clear,

Each minute feels like an hour.

The sound of every passing second

Reminding me I should be sleeping.

 

The boiler slowly kicking into life.

The flame reigniting

Both these constant noises

Remind me that I’m still here – fighting.

 

The humming of the refrigerator

The computer slowly whirring

I rise up from my creaking bed

At last a moose is stirring.

 

The creaking doors and windows

As I greet the world outside.

The kettle boiling and cigarette being lit

Sighing with that first nicotine hit.

 

The crow down below

Squawking with all its might

“wake up you lazy bastards

it morning time not night”

 

The cats following me around the place

“Feed me I want to stuff my face!”

The mornings are my favourite time

Full of joyous sights and noisey rhyme

 

And so at 7 am here I sit

Taking in all the sounds

A new day is beginning

Another day that I will be winning!

00.00

As the clocks turns to midnight a new day begins!

As the clocks turns to midnight a new day begins!

 

The clock turns to midnight.

A new day begins.

The moose is gently sleeping

wondering what the new day will bring.

 

Feeling good or feeling down,

I have but no idea,

what matters is that at 23.59

I will still be here!

 

Watching sun rising, then watching it set,

I made it through the day.

I celebrate that once again

I didn’t let depression stand in my way.

 

Accepting today may be hard on me,

But working through my pain

Soon midnight will reappear

And I start the battle again!

 

Today is the present

Yesterday is now in the past.

I can forget what happened on that day

Knowing any bad days cannot last!

 

Each day is guaranteed twists and turns,

Depression works in this way

Chalk up a victory for me though

I made it through another day!