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Losing Weight and Feeling Great

Okay I admit it I was wrong about this whole exercise thing!

I am starting to notice the rewards for my effort in the gym and I’m enjoying my time there. I am getting known by the staff there and starting to interact with more people.

My IBS had been playing up last week so much so that I only went on Monday so when I walked through the doors again yesterday it was nice to be asked by the staff where I had been and how was my training going.

I pushed really hard during my workout yesterday and it was a nice feeling to have the sweat pouring off me knowing I was working the hardest I could physically without causing any damage! I am painfully aware of my limitations but have felt the need to up my game slightly so that I can get maximum reward for effort and I have felt the difference in my mental health as a result of exercising regularly.

It’s more about the fact that I am out of the flat more often than any endorphin’s released through exercise. The level of support I receive from people online also contributes massively to my mental health as it is great to know people are willing you to succeed.

I finally managed to wake up early enough to attend a yoga class at gym today.

Early enough, in fact, to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill BEFORE the class!

I am hoping having a good ole stretch of muscles will ease the pain in my knees and am proud to report that I did not fart and did not follow through despite being in some father “interesting” positions.

The downwards facing dog has been rechristened “the dead moose” but I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the class and will be attending on a regular basis all being well! I am so proud of myself for trying something like this which is completely out of my comfort zone – but one complaint I have is about the amount of mirrors! I look like a beached whale, so much so in the suggestions box I posted the following

“can we get the mirrors from the funfair that change your body shape!”

not sure its gonna happen LOL but one can try.

I am also pleased to report that I was actually told today “your losing weight!”

The fact is I have now lost 1 stone (14 lbs) but to have someone else acknowledge it felt great! It certainly inspires me and gives me added encouragement to know that people are noticing the changes in my body.

 

Besides this I am feeling confident enough to pose for some photos and we all know I love a semi naked moose photo or 4!

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I get bored easily and that is never good when there is a camera around :D

What I see Part 2

 

I have been asked to write a poem,

with much less negativity.

A chance to be more appreciative

About the good things in me.

 

I’m 16 stone of love machine

A sex god if you will,

And all achieved without the need,

for a magic blue pill!

 

with charm, charisma and wonderful humour,

I should be on the tele,

I could be the new Keith Lemon,

with less ginger and more belly.

 

A big strong heart and caring nature,

A moose just like no other,

But the sun would have a field day,

with stories sold by my evil twin brother! (sorry David)

 

I can laugh at my misfortune,

I don’t take myself too seriously,

I’d make a great presenter,

And pronounce all my letter unlike “wossy”

 

People open up to me,

They feel I’m someone they can trust,

But don’t leave me near your pizzas,

I’d eat it all and leave the crust!

 

Strong minded but gentle,

wise beyond my years.

I will hold your hand and guide you

As you take on your fears!

 

My strength comes from helping others,

seeing the victories they make.

No victory to small, no challenge we cant face,

I will be there every step of the way with dignity and grace.

 

A message of encouragement,

A simple “are you Okay?”

Knowing someone has your back

Makes such a difference to your day.

 

I’m that person, the one on who you can rely,

Celebrating your successes, or listening while you cry.

You can talk to me about any issues,

I will be here handing out the tissues.

 

If I look real hard I can see,

There are some real good qualities in me!

It is thanks to some good people out there,

To remind me to treat myself with more care.

 

So one day when your watching TV,

You just might find a moose,

fingers crossed its not crimewatch,

being caught doing things with a goose!

 

I will be famoose one day,

Just you wait and see,

a brand new television show

entitled “The Moose and Me”

 

I’d go around the country,

helping others with their woes,

overcoming life real troubles,

it would be a series of uplifting shows!

 

Behind the lack of confidence,

is a man with quite a big dream,

famous for helping other people,

how ridiculous does that seem?

 

But that is how I see myself,

someone to help the masses.

Putting myself in the public eye,

so we can kick some collective asses!

 

A man who is open and honest,

sharing his experiences with nowhere to hide.

Fuck this negative crap,

I should be full of pride!

 

I have a great sense of humour,

I think I am rather witty.

No more being hard on myself,

and making myself feel shitty!

 

I’m gonna focus on the good things,

The qualities that you seem to like,

from this moment on,

Negativity can take a hike!!!

 

 

Thanks to Barry for encouraging me to try this!

MARvelous aCHievements (March)

Right here we go! time to stop focusing on the negatives and start banging our own drums and trumpets!

In my infinite wisdom I have declared March to be the month to celebrate our MARvelous aCHievements (see what I did there? genius I tells ya!!)

Time to focus on anything we have achieved in the past – there is nothing too small that we can celebrate. The small things soon snowball into something bigger, yet without that first small success nothing would have happened!

So who is with me on this? lets all talk about our wonderful successes and kick negativity into touch for a while!

To get the ball rolling let me refer you to this time last year…

March 2012 was the month that I was ready to end it all! Window was opened and my feet were on the sill ready to jump.

This post here will remind you of my darkest hour My Point of no return

and now look at me 12 months on

  • I write a blog aimed at helping others
  • I have self published 3 books that have sales in 3 figures
  • People come to me looking for support and guidance
  • over 40 thousand people have read my blog!
  • I have made more new friends this past 12 months than at any time in my life!

thats five things to celebrate and feel proud about! I bet you can come up with some for yourself as well!

how about sharing them on twitter with us all using #MooseMarch and lets have some fun with feeling good about ourselves for a change!

 

 

“Famoose”

Yep you read that right after yesterdays shenanigans I am now famous, or to spell it correctly famoose!

Well that of course is not true in any sense but it sure as hell was an exciting day, luckily I was prepared today for being back to “normal” and had no expectations of a repeat performance. This is an important step for me though because usually I would have been on a complete negative day today trying to live up to the figures of yesterday.

It appears I am finally making progress with the negativity that plagues me!

Of all the symptoms of depression this is my biggest challenge, trying to fight the inner demons of feeling like a failure and so this week I make a pact with myself to focus on the positive of everything that I attempt for the whole of the week.

It is a big challenge but one I am determined to do because I feel it will help me the most with my recovery if I can remain positive, or at the very least be more positive than negative.

It will involved looking at things from an entirely new perspective but should be an interesting opportunity to really take stock of how far I have come in 6 months.

Here is a top 10 list of things I can be positive about in the 6 months since my diagnosis

  1. Helping other people with depression
  2. Inspiring people to write blogs to help themselves
  3. Attempting to raise money for Mind through Stepping into the Light – Poems from the Darkness book
  4. Learning how to self publish books
  5. Learning how to communicate with my wife about my problems
  6. Asking for help when I need it
  7. Making new friends via WordPress, Facebook and Twitter – more new friends in a real sense not a gaming friend who I never speak to.
  8. Letting go of things from my past that have held me back – like visiting my Uncles old home
  9. Being open and honest about my illness instead of holding it all in
  10. Accepting that I have an illness and trying to beat it rather than wallowing in the self pity state I lived in for 18 months previously

Thats not bad for starters is it?

And best of all I can still accept yesterday as a great day without it impacting on the rest of my week and how I feel.

Onwards and Upwards folks for tomorrow is a new day and with it comes new challenges.

Swimming Against the Tide

Apologies to all poetry is not my thing but I had a request by someone close to me who asked me to do a poem to describe my feelings. Go easy on me please the last poem I wrote was nearly 20 years ago in school with the English teacher “forcing” me to do it. Well she didn’t force me as such but I had to do against my will.

I hope you like it! I have not been this nervous about something I have written before in my life…..

Swimming Against the Tide

My eyes tell the story,

They know my mouth just lied,

The clouds are still dark ones,

I’m swimming against the tide

 

Waves crashing around me,

My demons dragging me under,

The black clouds bring not just rain,

Now here comes the thunder

 

I look for a vessel,

To bring me to shore,

That one ray of hope,

Bringing me back off the floor

 

Those sharks they are circling,

Getting ready to bite,

They will not get me,

Try as they might

 

I fight to the surface,

My strength is returning,

Depression wont beat me,

The fire is burning

 

Thinking I’m worthless,

Feeling like a failure,

That bright sky in the distance,

It’s my saviour!

 

I am not a good swimmer,

But I am a fighter,

As I struggle with strokes,

The sky it gets brighter

 

One day at a time,

My day of destiny soon arrives,

A testament to my resolve.

I have reached the blue skies

 

Good days or bad days,

The sharks may come back,

The bad news for them,

I’m ready to attack!

 

Dark emotions or feelings,

having nowhere to hide,

I am coming after you now

I’m swimming WITH the tide

 

 

 

 

 

Try Something Different Today

 

 

 

I have been trying something different this weekend in my approach to my depression. It all came about when I woke up feeling down on Saturday morning, feeling negative is not a good thing for me as it stresses me out and causes my bowels to play up.

“too much information” I hear you cry! But am I seriously the only person out there with this issue caused by stress? Well I am pretty sure its stress that causes it as blood tests have found nothing wrong!

But I digress, my newest solution was to THINK POSITIVE! sounds simple doesn’t it but negativity plays a big part in depression and is one of the hardest issues to deal with.

Revisit my blog on http://garrywilliamsblog.wordpress.com/2012/06/30/the-negative-thinking-challenge/ for more about this issue but what I want you to think about is the POSITIVES.

  • What are your strengths?
  • What are you best features?
  • What have you done to be proud about?
  • What do you offer to people?
  • Describe yourself using 5 POSITIVE ADJECTIVES. Start with the words “I AM” (example I AM BEAUTIFUL)

Just try it even if for a few minutes, finding positive things to say about ourselves is never easy but sometimes you can surprise yourself with what you come up with it may even help you.

It is nice to think of yourself in a positive light for a change I have been focusing on the positives of writing this blog as it has really enabled me to express myself properly, as well as the thought that I am helping people too.

Of course the problem with depression is that the concept of thinking positive is not one we are able to consider. How many times have you complained about having a bad day? compare it to how many times you have said “I’m having a good day!” or on a lesser scale “I’m having a better day”.

It is so much easier to focus on the negatives, whats going wrong in our lives always stands out more but by trying to focus on the good things you have done to fight depression you are showing strength which can be the first step to winning!

Here is a list of my recent positive thoughts that made last week my best week in years………

  • I am a good writer and people LIKE my blog
  • I am not as fat looking as I think I am
  • I am better looking than I think I am
  • I am helping people
  • I am loved

Being positive changed my down feelings at the start of the weekend into a good mood and although this wont work for everyone, it may not even work for me next time. Where is the harm in at least trying it?

The hardest part of the battle will be the “I can’t” feelings but I believe “you can”! so try it for me and see how it goes.

Carrying on from the strange songs in my head there has been a second song now going round my head.  Here are the lyrics from the first couple of verses

You can do anything that you want to do

Put your mind, body and soul to it,

Prove it to yourself and say

I want (I want), I will (I will),

I can do anything.

It’s a difficult world and you have got to prove

That you’re ready and you can do it.

Nothing in this world would stop you,

I know, I can, I will fulfill my dreams.


The tone of the lyrics dont quite  fit with the song genre as you will find here but sometimes you find inspiration in the most unusual places. Here is the video for the song by Livin Joy called Don’t Stop Moving

Until the next time!

Garry “the new mr motivator” :0)

The Negative Thinking Challenge

One of the downsides to depression is the issue of your negative thinking. The feeling of being a failure and being pessimistic in day-to-day life is hard to shake off and can cause you to have a big set back in your battle. People who do not understand depression seem to think its a simple case of  being able to shake yourself out of it like there is some sort of switch that we flick off and on to suit our needs. Yeah right this morning I woke up and thought to myself “I fancy a down day lets set the switch to down!”

People who do not understand depression or people who never had depression should really just keep quiet and simply listen to those who need to talk. Half the reason we don’t talk to people is because of the “snap out of it” attitude people who don’t know better have. It’s the same as “what do you have to be depressed about?” attitude. Well let me tell me you why I am depressed…. It’s because of people like you who talk when you should listen!! (insert curse words where necessary LOL)

So how do you change the mind-set from negative to positive? Easier said than done isn’t it. Self loathing is a hard habit to break even more so when you have worn a mask for years to hide your true feelings. People always assumed I was in love with myself and arrogant when it couldn’t be further from the truth, I just happen to hide things well and the cocky me was only a facade that those who got to know me saw through in an instance.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm has some tips on challange negative thinking – I like this site by the way LOL

Depression self-help tip 2: Challenge negative thinking

Learn about hidden sources of depression

Watch 3-min. video: Roadblocks to awareness

Depression puts a negative spin on everything, including the way you see yourself, the situations you encounter, and your expectations for the future.

But you can’t break out of this pessimistic mind frame by “just thinking positive.” Happy thoughts or wishful thinking won’t cut it. Rather, the trick is to replace negative thoughts with more balanced thoughts.

Ways to challenge negative thinking:

  • Think outside yourself. Ask yourself if you’d say what you’re thinking about yourself to someone else. If not, stop being so hard on yourself. Think about less harsh statements that offer more realistic descriptions.
  • Allow yourself to be less than perfect. Many depressed people are perfectionists, holding themselves to impossibly high standards and then beating themselves up when they fail to meet them. Battle this source of self-imposed stress by challenging your negative ways of thinking
  • Socialize with positive people. Notice how people who always look on the bright side deal with challenges, even minor ones, like not being able to find a parking space. Then consider how you would react in the same situation. Even if you have to pretend, try to adopt their optimism and persistence in the face of difficulty.
  • Keep a “negative thought log.” Whenever you experience a negative thought, jot down the thought and what triggered it in a notebook. Review your log when you’re in a good mood. Consider if the negativity was truly warranted. Ask yourself if there’s another way to view the situation. For example, let’s say your boyfriend was short with you and you automatically assumed that the relationship was in trouble. But maybe he’s just having a bad day.

Types of negative thinking that add to depression

All-or-nothing thinking Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground (“If I fall short of perfection, I’m a total failure.”)
Overgeneralization Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true forever (“I can’t do anything right.”)
The mental filter Ignoring positive events and focusing on the negative. Noticing the one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right.
Diminishing the positive Coming up with reasons why positive events don’t count (“She said she had a good time on our date, but I think she was just being nice.”)
Jumping to conclusions Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a mind reader (“He must think I’m pathetic.”) or a fortune teller (“I’ll be stuck in this dead end job forever.”)
Emotional reasoning Believing that the way you feel reflects reality (“I feel like such a loser. I really am no good!”)
‘Shoulds’ and ‘should-nots’ Holding yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldn’t do, and beating yourself up if you don’t live up to your rules.
Labeling Labeling yourself based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings (“I’m a failure; an idiot; a loser.”)

Agree with any of these? see yourself and things you say in these? I must admit it certainly touched a nerve with me when looking through the advice and my biggest issue appears to be the “LABELING” although my success at writing this blog is helping to change my views on myself.

Funnily enough one of the things that’s not on there that I suffer from is the “Haves” and “Haves-nots” which is very superficial and materialistic I know but I like having nice things and the latest things, Guilty as charged LOL. Would having things I want cure my depression? Of course not but I wouldn’t mind having an option to find out! (Come on Lottery Ticket! just a few million will do!)

So just for me see what happens when you focus on the good things you can do or can offer to others and see if it improves your negative thinking! whats the worse thing to come out of it?

As for me I am focusing on the good my writing is doing and happy in the knowledge I am helping other people, as the messages of support I have had show me!

Thank you for continuing to support my writing please remember to share it out and spread the word!

Garry