I Forgot…Now I Remember

So in between the worst week in memory I suddenly was hit by a thunderbolt.

Oprah Winfrey was on the Jonathan Ross show last night here in the UK and said something that hit me right between the eyes.

She told about how she was sexually abused at 14 and ended up pregnant, she lost that baby and her father told her

“You have been given a second chance, DON’T WASTE IT”

She said it was there and then that she knew that she wanted to help others using her experience.

This was the reason that I started blogging, to help other people by sharing my daily battles.

It took a kind message from someone on Facebook (you can add me here to remind me that people DO care about what I have to say and that it DOES help others.

For those regular and long-term readers you may have noticed every now and again that I have a degree in wallowing and self loathing.  It stems from years of rejection by various people and sometimes the walls we have had built for 20+ years need to be pulled down and rebuilt. Rebuilt with better materials, modernised to allow people in…

The problem I have is that I take every little rejection personal. Someone who I thought was a good friend has just dropped me like a stone which hit me hard, where I go wrong is that I forget that it is the other party that has issues and not me (all the time!)

I like to go that extra mile for people and forget to look after myself properly, although being concerned for other people is a good thing in my eyes. I need to remember to be kinder to myself, and when people do send praise my way to accept it. Dismissing praise is a bad habit and one I need to work on – so keep the praise coming, all in the name of research of course.

The point though is that this blog has had nearly 80,00 views with an average of 100 views a day. This means people look up to me, sometimes this idea blows me away that I have so much interest in little old moosey. I do have a sense of purpose, I WANT to be viewed as someone who people can look at as an example of how depression can ruin your life but still somehow we survive, even if at times the dark can be overwhelming.

I focus on what I want not what I need. What I want is often not obtainable because it is out of my control, what I need is what I allow to come to me. The world has a way of bringing things/people into your life when you least expect it. I am now working on allowing nature to take its course, or God’s plan to show rather than forcing everything.

When people are struggling yet take the time out to message me with ideas, advice, the offer of an ear it shows that I do actually have more than I admit at times. While I expect too much from people I know that this is an unrealistic approach to life, there are lots of people who message me via social media to offer warmth, sincerity or a swift boot up the backside!

I focus on those who DON’T contact me….. from this moment on that will change.

If I am so forgettable to them then surely that means they are forgettable to me right?

I need to fill my days again, the worst thing that happened to me and my recovery was having to quit the gym because it helped me so much, enhanced confidence at the weight loss but more importantly I was leaving the flat and doing things everyday.

The question again today is WHEN will I get better and no longer WHY wont I get better.

And who would’ve thought that Oprah Winfrey would be my inspiration…

One final thing, I want to extend a huge thank you to the person who donated to me today via the paypal option on the home page. It humbled me that you would be so generous and means the world to me!

Thankful for…..Friends

I have some wonderful friends, most of them I did not know before I started this blog.

Before the blog became my focus I was part of a wonderful community built around Mafia Wars on Facebook and have stayed in contact with plenty of people from the group that I created. I consider some of these people family now, not just friends. Although some of us don’t stay in regular contact they are people I know are there for me when I need them, people like Gary, Cindy, Juliana and the never forgotten Teresa have played a big part in my life over the past few years.

As for the “newbies” Gail, Mary, Antonella, Liz and Maria in particular are people I know I can tell anything to, without them judging me and they know me better than anyone else, by me I mean the real Garry.

Gail AKA Weegee was the first person to like, comment and follow my blog and can see through me in an almost scary way. A real diamond in the rough who gives advice, telling offs and encouragement in times of need.

Antonella is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, she is warm, funny, caring and more than a little crazy. She is also very very attractive but alas allergic to moose meat – a great friend though, we have the same awesome personalities because we were both born on the 29th November.

Mary is like an older sister, quick to tell me off and point out the error of my ways but done with good intentions and done with care.

Liz was one of the first people I ever spoke to about depression when I came across the elephant in the room community and I have spent many hours in her wonderful company over the last 18 months. As crazy cat ladies go she is one of the best.

And there are friends that I have known all my life. Amy and Linda were a big part of my childhood, and happy times were spent around them when I was still waiting for my antlers to grow.

Paul and Karl are people I went to school with and hadn’t spoken to since 1995 but we have reconnected via Facebook in the last year and I am glad we have, both are great guys and I am pleased to call them friends.

Sarah is Brandon’s mum and a great friend, I can talk to her about anything and she will always offer advice and tell me what I did wrong :D

And this is just the tip of a big iceberg. I have a lot more friends than I realise. More than at any point of my adult life and although most of them are technically “online friends” that doesn’t mean that I value their friendship any less. Without the online friends my life would be a lonely place but they rally around me when I need a friendly ear or a kick up the arse!

now I am gonna go old old skool on you in tribute to my friends

 

 

Successful Operation

You will be pleased to hear that the operation undertaken over the weekend was a complete success with no complications…

ladies and gentlemen I am very pleased to announce that I have been given the all clear

My head has been completely removed from my arse!

Normal service is now being resumed and I am back to feeling strong again, strong enough to remember why I started this blog in the first place – to help other people.

Lots of people I know are struggling at the moment as the winter draws in and the nights come earlier.

Please never feel like you are alone, I am easily contactable and always willing to lend an ear to people.

I am very lucky in the sense that i do not get triggered by other people and I am happy to listen to anyone in need, I may actually be of help as I have been known to offer some good advice from time to time.

Come and find me on my facebook page here and feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to.

Yes I am aware that I have some issues of my own to be resolved but that is being dealt with in a crash course of “no longer give a fuck” so please do not think I am not able to be there for you. Distract me all you want as long as you need someone I am available.

If you do not have facebook then feel free to email me using the form below and we can go from there.

 

Image Credit: Google

 

 

Thank You

Naming and shaming those who have been there for me and pulled me through some tough times, kicked me up the arse when needed and not once judged me for having certain feelings and thoughts…

I may not always show my appreciation in the right way but I really appreciate your time spent on keeping the smile on my face, and for giving me the strength needed to keep going..

(in no particular order!)

  • Maria
  • Caro
  • Antonella
  • Sandra
  • Jenn
  • Weegee/Gail
  • David & Debbie
  • Mary
  • Amy
  • Juliana
  • Cindy
  • Paul
  • Karl
  • Gary
  • Liz
  • Linda
  • Michelle
  • Mum
  • Sarah
  • Linda
  • The Moose support group on facebook
  • Whizz
  • Debbie
  • my readers of this blog
  • my twitter family

see the thing is….. I am not alone and have a lot more friends, and good friends at that!, than I realised.

so the next time you see me moaning about being lonely, having no one and generally feeling sorry for myself rest assured I will head straight back to this post and be grateful that so many people want me to succeed and are there for me!

Thank you all for helping me, for listening, for making me smile and for pushing me gently in the right direction!

freehug

and above all for reminding me what The Depressed Moose is all about…

inspire

when you need me rest assured I will always be there for you.

I Want My Best Friend Back

This has been hiding in my drafts folder for a while but thought I’d share it today

Forget being a wife and a mother, forget all the other shit that is going on.

I just want my back best friend back, the person I have been able to share everything with over the years, all my thoughts, feelings and fears. To laugh and cry with you again. To be able to open up again and tell you how great things are in my world right now despite part of me being missing. I want you to see how feel I am doing because of the friendship we had above all else.

To be able to pick up the phone and call you, speak to you without being scared that the call will be rejected and any voice mail message ignored and no call back. Or to drop you a text and not expect it to be unanswered.

For you to see the sparkle back in my eyes and see how much I am enjoying life again, that smile of mine you used to love so much being a prominent feature on my face not like the long lost relative it became.

You can’t see how strong I am again, but I can tell you are lost and struggling and I want to help you smile again, to take away the pain and help you find yourself in the ways you helped me find Garry again.

Best friends always there for each other, and when you are ready to reach out you know I will be there for you.

You Got a Friend in me

Sometimes we all just need that little message of support from people.

Here is my message to everyone who feels low today I try to offer an ear to people who need a chat and if you ever need someone just hit the contact page and drop me a line!

 

 

 

You’ve got a friend in me

You’ve got a friend in me
When the road looks rough ahead
And you’re miles and miles
From your nice warm bed
Just remember what your old pal said
Boy, you’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got troubles, well I’ve got ‘em too
There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you
We stick together and we see it through
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me

Some other folks might be
A little bit smarter than I am
Bigger and stronger too
Maybe
But none of them will ever love you the way I do
It’s me and you
And as the years go by
Boys, our friendship will never die
You’re gonna see
It’s our destiny
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me