Free Today

I have made 2 of my ebooks free today on Amazon!

All I ask is that you write a review if you like the books and help spread the word to others (hopefully this will increase sales as total sales in 2 months is currently 1 book!)

free ebboks

free ebboks

 

head over to Amazon NOW and get the books! if you look closely at the photo you can see my other free book on the bottom left!

click here

Second Chances – A Book By Garry Williams

I started a novel in September last year but have been unable to continue with it since then. I wanted to show you the prologue and get your opinion on the start so far – hopefully so positive comments will inspire me to get started again.

so here goes…

Prologue

 

Alone in the apartment, the silence of the room was deafening. Not even the recognisable familiar hum of the fridge-freezer, no noise coming from the Television, with the smashed screen destroyed in another fit of rage and frustration.

Just one single person curled up into a ball, unaware of the fact that it has been almost 4 days since he last moved. The electric had long since gone because he needed to put some money on to the key meter and couldn’t leave the sanctuary of home, couldn’t face the world outside.

The sun breaks through the windows and the warmth of its rays brings about a stirring, and suddenly the man is awake and full of intent, the nightmares have brought a moment of clarity and a way to finally ease the pain.

It would be so easy to end it all, no one would notice, days even weeks would pass before someone thinks to themselves “Haven’t seen Michael Walker for a while, I wonder if he is ok”

The so called “easy way out” seems so appealing, a simple yet effective way to bring an end to this life. It is easier said than done though because although Michael is an unhappy man he is not a brave one. Something as important as ending his life would take planning to make sure it was done properly. He always joked about how unlucky he was and deep down he knew if he attempted suicide he would only get it wrong.

And yet, this time he was serious about it all, his friends had long since given up on him. They had grown tired of his bitterness, the lack of vibrancy that once made him Mr Popular, the man everyone could turn to in an emergency to set the world to rights.

“Lock up your daughters here comes Michael” was a regular battle cry in brighter times as he would always manage to leave the night clubs with a different woman each week. Michael was a charmer, he had the ability to make anyone feel comfortable in his company. Women never stood a chance around him he had the lot, the looks, the confidence and most importantly he was a gentleman, in public at least.

But that was then and things changed the moment he met Isabella, the beauty who seemed so unobtainable. Michael fell head over heals in love and fell hard and fast, she had everything he looked for in a woman and before long he had given up everything to be with her.

Five years of bliss were painfully ripped away from him when one rainy night after a rare argument she walked out of the restaurant in tears, straight into the path of a stolen car, she never stood a chance and was pronounced dead on the scene. Michael held her in his arms as she took her last breath and struggled to let her body be taken away to the morgue. Only the sounds of the sirens from the Ambulance and Police cars could be heard above his screams of anguish.

Every night since that accident, approaching the second anniversary, was spent the same way. An empty bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a photo frame, with the last photograph taken of Isabella and Michael, across his chest Michael would finally drift off into sleep where he would again be reunited with his love.

 

A Month of Stepping into the Light

Today is a month since my book of poems was published.

For those new to my blog the idea was for a collection of poems written by people with mental health illnesses with 50% of the proceeds being donated to Mind a charity based here in the UK.

I am disappointed to say the least that Mind have not helped me to promote the book, especially as more sales equals more money for them but my last contact with them was on 3rd September so I will assume they have forgotten about me and the book.

In terms of sales here is the breakdown for you – not including the free copies I gave to the people who contributed poems.

Smashwords - 8

Amazon – kindle version - 4

Amazon – Paperback – 22

So a grand total of 34 sales in 1 month which is not to bad really. Hopefully if Mind can get behind me it will increase the word of mouth and get people at the very least aware of the book. I guess I can cope with an average of 1 sale a day over a year that’s 365 books! (see I can look on the bright side)

The only blemish is that on smashwords 38 people were given copies of the book in return for a review to be written and thus far only 5 people have done that.  From what I can gather though it is pretty rare for a review to be done anyway so I wont hold it against people because I am nice like that!

The other good news is that my own book is outselling this one and the profits from that one are mine ALL MINE! (evil laugh)

 

Whats happened?

I cant write anything!

nothing seem right or good enough

my mind is full but my brain is empty!

I don’t like this one little bit!

 

Someone please give me some inspiration because I am lost and empty!

I need a project again to keep me busy

I can’t write anymore of my novel because I am convinced it’s a pile of crap as so many people haven’t got back to me with feedback since I sent them copies.

I got nothing! and its killing me slowly :-(

101 Reasons to be Cheerful

My books have now sold 101 copies!

That’s a pretty impressive number and a great way to start a week.

That is in all formats paperback and e book across amazon and smashwords.

And I am so proud of myself this morning!

I have even taken some screen shots of The Diary of The Depressed Moose’s ranking on Amazon.co.uk

Paperback ranked #82 in books on depression

Amazon.co.uk book ranking

 

Kindle version rankings are even better

Kindle ranking from Amazon.co.uk

 

My friends across the pond are letting the side down so looks like my planned book signing tour of the USA will need to be cancelled until they start buying the books (HINT HINT)

Monday morning, 10 hours sleep last night and 3 figures in book sales

This week is going to be my week I can just feel it!

Six Months is a Long Time

This weekend marks 6 months since I hit rock bottom see here for details of how low. Whilst I do not want to keep bringing up what is now known as “the window incident” I can look back with an overwhelming sense of pride and achievement at how far I have come in that time.

It got to the point where my life could have ended but with the help of good friends, spirits looking over me and a new relationship with Jesus I have been on a steady incline since that day, despite the highs and lows of the past 6 months I have never again been as bad as I was before.

So lets look back at how far I have come because it is important with an illness like depression to celebrate the steps made in recovery.

  1. Started this blog in June – yep still only a newbie in the blogging world it feels like a lot longer but I’m still learning bits and pieces and (hopefully) improving as a writer!
  2. Published 2 books on mental health illnesses – now I am not sure if I have mentioned my books before but what the hell it’s a bloody good achievement despite my doom and gloom over the sales, The fact is (including around 35 free copies) I have sold 90 books! holy crap 90 books! Thats in paperback and ebook formats
  3. ok this has to be said again 90 books!
  4. I am helping people – I have received numerous messages from people who have read my blog telling me how they have been either inspired or helped by what they have read! Complete strangers have reached out to me! The sense of pride I feel when people contact me is unbelievable.
  5. I am raising money for charity with the poetry book. If I raise only £10 then it is still an achievement.
  6. I am making new friends on wordpress, twitter and facebook and becoming “known” for my blog.
  7. I am raising awareness about depression and getting people educated in the process.
  8. 90 books! seriously that’s blown me away 10 away from 3 figures I am gonna have to find a way to celebrate, maybe a signed copy or two as a competition LOL
  9. My marriage has never been better since I sought help about my depression. I see couples breaking up over mental health illnesses and a reluctance to talk about it. I am hoping to break down some barriers about the importance for men in particular to seek help and open up.
  10. I feel like my kids, and step sons are proud of me for having published books. More importantly I am proud of myself for being brave enough to post everything without being anonymous and holding nothing back. It gives people a face to the illness and makes them realise they are not alone.

 

as lists go this is not bad for 6 months work is it? considering if I did a list for the previous 10 years it would not be more than 1/4 long.

Heck I even managed to quit mafia wars!

So my message to you all is list your achievements, stand back and look at them and get that sense of pride you deserve for all the work you put into recovery. It’s not about how many is on the list it is all about the fact that there is something there for you to be proud off!

 

Books Published by The Depressed Moose – Plug Time!

Big Plug

Desperate times call for desperate measures and as sales for September are stuck at 1 here is a gentle reminder of the books I have published in the hope that you will share will all your friends and they might take pity on me.

Did you know today was National Spread the Moose book links day?

oh you didnt? well its the first year of it’s existence :D

Diary of The Depressed Moose

Diary of The Depressed Moose

Available on Amazon.co.uk on Kindle and Paperback here

Available on Amazon.com for my friends in America here

Available in multi e-reader formats from smashwords here

==================================================================================

Stepping into the Light – Poems from the Darkness

Stepping into the Light – Poems from the Darkness

This book of poetry is helping to raise money for the charity Mind with them receiving 50% of the profits. A great cause and well worth the few pounds/dollars

Available on amazon.co.uk on kindle here

on paperback at amazon.co.uk here

Paperback on amazon.com here and kindle here

and multi e-reader formats on smashwords here

=================================================================================

update in January to include

Diary of The Depressed Moose 2

Diary of The Depressed Moose 2

Available on Amazon.co.uk here

available on Amazon.com here

 

Fly my pretties fly and spread the word! Remember my Christmas depends on the books selling so no pressure on you :-)

Feeling like a Failure

One of the things about depression I hate the most is that feeling of being a failure. I think of all the symptoms this is the one that drags me down the most of all.

 

I can handle, for the best part, most of the other symptoms except the negative ones. Always in the back of my mind is that little voice chirping away at my insecurities. In many ways I wish I had not published books because I am constantly checking for sales and seeing none makes my feelings of failure and worthlessness grow.

There has been sales though that’s the annoying thing about it – although not as many that I can start to employ a team of staff to cater to my every whim.

Below is an image of my smashwords dashboard which shows sales from my books

 

This does not take into account sales from Amazon or paperback sales which are all done separately  but as you can see Diary of The Depressed Moose has sold 13 copies since 10th August. However all my brain focuses on is that it has been downloaded 50 times. With smashwords you can preview 20% of the book and that counts as a download, this means that 37 people have downloaded the book and previewed it and then not purchased it. This makes that little voice scream failure.

Stepping into the Light has sold a lot more copies but 35 of them were free copies given to people who submitted poetry.

Try as hard as I can the positive fact that 13 people have purchased the book does not seem to get through to me.

I should be screaming from the roof tops with pride that I have sold 21 books overall shouldn’t I? so why can’t I do it?

The same logic applies to my time job hunting. In 18 months I applied for over 400 jobs and was only selected for 2 interviews! Failure or rejection do not work well in the mind of someone suffering from depression!

As you know I am attempting to write a novel, it is a romance one so would appeal to a wider audience but if the truth be told I am scared of completing it and self publishing it. The fear of it failing eats away at me, in the previous two weeks I had written an average of 10,000 words a week, and yet in the past 8 days I have written 2000. I am scared of what happens after I finish. I will have no other project to work on to take my mind away from depression, as well as my obsessive need to check sales reports several times a day!

Too interested in numbers is my curse, not being able to read between the lines and see the positive is my problem.

But the good news is I am not in denial of my issues :D

I guess I am just too damn needy for my own good. Always seeking reassurance and validation of my writing will only drive me and my friends mad.

When I am low I am needy. Receiving praise seems to work wonders for me as it would anyone I guess.

 

Need to Get this off my Chest

I will readily admit that I like a moan, heck it helps me get it out there and off my chest so I can move on to the next thing I can find to moan about.

This is something that has bothered me for a week or more though and to be perfectly honest it has really pissed me off!

I don’t swear very often in my blog, as opposed to real life where every other word would make a nun blush. I make the effort not to curse in my writing because I don’t want people to be offended so excuse the odd one now and again.

My poetry book had submissions from 41 people. Each of them was sent a message when the book was completed to give them access to a free copy as a thank you from me for sending a poem in.

Out of those 41 people a grand total of 6 people actually sent me a reply saying thank you for all the hard work I had put into editing and formatting the book for kindle, for smashwords and for paperback versions. Each one required a different format and it took plenty of hard work and long hours from me to actually get it finished.

Now I was not expecting them to name their first born after me or anything extreme like that but surely I am not wrong to be upset that they couldn’t be bothered to reply saying thank you?

I also asked if they would write a review on the book and apart from one person (Debbie) that has yet to be done despite the fact that 33 people have purchased their free copy of the book.

I feel like I wasted my time with this project and don’t understand why those who got involved wont help me by spending a few minutes to write a review that would help other people decide if they want to buy the book or not.

Or maybe I just expect too much from people…

Anyhoo now that’s off my chest I feel better

Embracing Depression

As we leave August and welcome September it will be soon be six months to the day that I was ready to end it all!

see here for details about my moment of weakness

Now though I can look back over the last six months and in a strange way be grateful for depression turning me into the person I am today.

Without accepting that I needed some help and subsequently being diagnosed by my GP I would have just been another victim to a life of misery.

I made a decision to embrace my illness and turn it around into something that be positive, and look at how far I have come since then.

I had not done any writing since leaving school in 1995. Seventeen years are a long time to be doing no writing whatsoever and yet without depression I would not have considered doing a blog, let alone writing books. Publishing them was never an option, I was not even aware you could self publish!

I have always been better at dealing with other people’s problems than my own but now I am helping strangers, people who have reached out to me to thank me for writing about depression. This would never have happened with my depression!

It is funny how something that has caused me so much suffering has turned into something that has inspired me, and others.

I can thank depression for forcing me into writing and doing something that I really enjoy for the first time in many years, it is really only comparable to  playing football. That is a big statement because football was my life until I was 23 and the knee injury stopped me from playing. It took me ten long years to replace the feeling that football gave me and writing has given me a new lease of life.

In a round about way I can embrace depression and be happy in the knowledge that without it I would not be a published author and a (moderately) successful blogger.

So what can you do to turn your depression into something positive? The hardest thing is being able to take a back seat and look at things from a positive perspective but I can assure you there is something tucked away there that you may not be fully aware off. Be it as a writer, volunteer or even just a shoulder to cry on for someone in the same situation as you.

Has it inspired you to try something different?, or maybe like me to try something that was a long forgotten talent?

Regardless this morning I can thank depression for making my creative juices flow again and help others.