It is kind of like the battle between good and the dark side, being pulled one side one day and to the other side the next!
It is draining me emotionally and mentally to the point where if I could switch off I would happily just walk away and not look back.
Heart vs head
Is there anything harder to try to separate? even more so when your mental health suffers as a result.
Where either consequence results in suffering.
It has been 7 months since Sheryl left and I still miss her terribly, the past few weeks has been hell because I have been dreaming about her almost nightly, same message albeit different scenarios. Bare in mind that over the last few years it is rare that I remember my dreams, yet each morning I wake up feeling like the dreams were real. This makes me feel disappointed, which sets me off on a down spiral again.
Then of course is the feeling that I should just forget about the whole fucking thing and move on with life, which is a lot easier said than done. Part of me feels the time is right to wash my hands of the whole sorry situation now, obviously as she wont talk to me, let alone see me it is what she wants me to do…. so why cant I?
There is something that still holds me back from making that last step but what is it?
Stubbornness? Love? Fear of what’s next?
Have not got a clue to be honest, dont know what to do next
What I do know is that the sooner this infighting stops the sooner I can concentrate on actually getting my life in some sort of order because right now this is taking up all my time, effort and energy just staying above water…
That being said, if all else fails….. some of you lovely readers must have a few single friends to send my way :D