Shamed by a 3 Year Old

As we all know Manflu is one of the most serious conditions out there with no known cure and that moose suffer from it terribly.

Day 4 of the illness and I have bravely pulled myself off my death bed to update you as to my well being.

This morning I woke up at 7.30am having finally gone to sleep at 5am!

Not content with being bunged up with a sore throat and a stinking headache i woke up with the worst pain in my bad knee since i had the operation in 2009 and could barely walk. Then I started the coughing which is never a good thing when you have the bowel problems i have! In fact at point I have to go and sit on the toilet to cough!

If a vet came to check on this moose he would be putting me down!

Remember to pray for moose!

Meanwhile Lilybet who is even worse than me is really trying to put on a brave face and show of things. Even while she was being sick she was smiling away and even tried running around like a normal 3 year old despite a temperature, really bad cough and blocked nose!

So you would expect the moose to be ashamed of his wallowing in self pity and dying on the sofa wouldn’t you!

But you would be wrong it’s all about me <evil laughter> pray for moose folks I need you!

sniff sniff cough cough woe me woe me etc etc

Man Flu Update

Yes I am afraid to say that I am still at deaths door with this man flu remember if you have time to pray for moose!

Sheryl and Lilybet are really having a rough time of things especially Lilybet. Her cough is so bad now she is bringing up crap but doesn’t help that she cannot blow her nose properly and sniff up instead of blowing which then sits on her chest.

Meanwhile Sheryl appears to be auditioning for the part of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer/ Alice Copper that lady is lucky I love her looking like that I tell ya!!

Meanwhile our finances go from bad to worse but we are determined to have a good Christmoose this year not long to go now where has this bloody year gone?

I havent started my new book still – what with being on deaths door from man flu having a hard time concentrating on much besides i made the mistake of noticing my other books have sold 1 copy this month and lost the inspiration. Has my 15 minutes of being famoose come to an end?

And to end a litty ditty based on my man flu

 

I’m dying with a runny nose,

a sore throat and a cough,

I am sick of this man flu

and wish it would just fu… go away :0)

May Day May Day…… Moose Down

We have an emergency situation here at moose mansion.

Sheryl has a sore throat, runny nose and a cold.

Lilybet has a really bad cough, runny nose and a cold.

And I have exactly the same symptoms as both of them with one major difference.

I have MAN FLU!

Yep you heard that right and as we speak a black cross is being painted on the front door to warn people that man flu is in the area!

It is such a serious condition that there is a drink available in the aisle of sainsburys for this exact purpose here

There was also major research into the illness that proved men suffer worse than women! I suspect it was men who carried out the research…

I am not sure how much longer I have left on this planet as (cough cough sneeze fart) I am dying

The words on my tombstone should read as follows

“Its not just a cold it is man flu, don’t you realise how serious this is?”

followed by

“died due to lack of sensitivity to the serious illness called Man Flu!”

And once I am gone could someone please tell Sheryl to “snap out of it you only have a cold!”

Honest Sunday

Following on from my absolute BS post yesterday about feeling better I have to come clean and admit that I am really struggling again.

I am now completely run down to the point where I now have a cold (please God don’t let it be man flu) and the signs of bronchitis just to compound my misery.

My energy levels are at an all time low due to lack of decent sleep for the past few weeks. My mood is down, my motivation has gone.

Writing anything of note is apparently out of my capabilities currently, the number of posts I have in my trash file has increased 10 fold the last week, my novel has stalled completely and I feel like nothing is ever going to go right for me.

Every single thing that I used to enjoy, like reading my mafia books, does nothing for me anymore!

And my sex drive has gone awol too which doesn’t help my shitty mood either!

I am having second thought about keeping the dog now as well. I am sick of him waking me up early every morning clawing at me, my back looks like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct has been at it!

Last time I had scratches like that down my back was during a rather exciting alcohol fueled romp!

The dog is just too much responsibility than I can handle right now, I can barely look after myself at the moment!

Presently I am just one miserable, angry and bitter person and it pisses me off!

It annoys me that I feel like I have to lie to myself (and you) that I am doing well when it could not be further from the truth. It is funny that I get such a kick out of helping other people with depression but cannot seem to help myself.

The biggest thrill in my life at the moment comes from helping out strangers and knowing that something I have said or written has made them seek help, especially men as I know how hard it is to admit their is a need for help.

To top it all off someone very kindly used the donate button on my blog for me to purchase my paperback books and would you believe the effing things have not turned up yet and appear to be lost in the post! Imagine being so poor you cannot afford your own books LOL

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Thus it appears that tricking myself into believing I am better does not work wonders so it is back to the drawing board on that.

 

Ready for Today but Disappointed

Disappointed because my paperback version of Diary of The Depressed Moose still has not arrived :-(

I was planning on spending the day riding the underground reading the book, laughing at parts of it, crying at others and generally making people question what is it about that book that is having that effect on that strange man.

Seemed like a good advertising opportunity if you ask me :D

Still maybe I can wear my moose’s head on the train with a link to this blog!

Anyhoo I have had 3 hours sleep, feel like I am starting to get a cold, please God don’t let it be man flu! and in the 2 and a half hours I have been awake have gone to the toilet 3 times already ffs

But fear not the moose will be on the loose

 

 

Lets hope the IBS tablets kick in before I hit the underground, the positive side of that is if they dont I am pretty much guaranteed a seat :D