Seeing Through People

I lie a lot to people these days,

Its a big decision to make,

But to tell someone the honest truth about how you feel,

Is often more than they can take.

 

They might ask how you are,

but are they asking because they care?

Or a sense of obligation?

do they really want you to share?

 

I grit my teeth and show the world a smile,

To mask the real pain inside,

“I’m doing great”, “I am fine”

in fact I’m looking for somewhere to hide.

 

Yet survival comes naturally to me,

I CAN do this on my own,

So when you read about how down I am,

you can fuck off instead of moan.

 

I do not need people around me,

who simply drain my energy.

I’m moving forwards at my own pace,

In my own style unique to me.

 

I’ll take the risks that I see fit,

and watch the cards as they fall,

right or wrong this is what I want,

No challenge too big or too small.

 

I will find my way with friends by my side,

not stabbing me in the back,

Leaving behind the users, abusers,

and those who give me flack.

 

I am no longer here to help just you,

and neglecting the most important thing.

This is my life, my journey, My adventure

and I’m excited to see what the future may bring.

 

I have a few friends who see right through,

the lies that I occasionally spit out,

These are the ones I can turn to,

when there are times of doubt.

 

And for the others be aware,

that you’re being left in the past,

No more will I allow the hurt and pain you cause,

to stop this train from going fast.

 

What You Did..

You gave up on me

You walked away

You broke our wedding vows

The day you decided not to stay.

 

You tore my heart out of my chest

it took me by surprise,

you never even looked to see

the tears streaming from my eyes.

 

You turned your back on me,

when I needed you so bad,

I tried so hard to make you happy,

I never meant to make you sad.

 

You took my soul in the black bags,

when you left me that fateful day,

You made me a shell of a man,

The broken mess I am today.

 

You ignore me, You avoid me,

and act like I dont exist,

You treat our love like it never was

You forgot about the bliss.

 

You hate me, You just don’t care,

about the pain I am going through,

You moved on so damn quickly,

You have no idea how much I still love you.

 

You deserve so much more,

than to be with a man so weak,

You forgot your love was what kept me going,

surviving each day or week.

 

You will never find another man,

to love you like I do,

You don’t think of me yet,

I cant stop loving you.

 

You left me broken, scared and alone,

I only ever wanted you,

You have taken my confidence and my heart,

I will never find another you.

 

You were made for me,

I loved you with all my heart.

but you didn’t want to fight for us

You ripped it all apart.

 

You deserve so much more,

than this pathetic fool,

Find someone else if that is what you need,

But I will never get over YOU.

 

 

The Ring…

Placed on my finger,

with tenderness and love,

In my head I hear a choir singing,

Like the angels up above.

 

 

A symbol of commitment,

For all the world to see,

I belong to you,

How it was always meant to be.

 

 

Worn with pride and happiness,

My own lucky charm,

With the ring on my finger,

I would come to no harm.

 

 

Love, honour and cherish,

In good or in bad health,

The ring once on my finger,

Sits in its box on the shelf.

 

 

My finger naked without it,

My heart broken and torn

The ring now in it’s box

Never again to be worn.

 

 

Time to move on,

Let go of the past,

I thought this was forever

Never dreamed it would not last.

 

 

The word “divorce” scares me,

But do what you need.

Let me go and find someone else

I have to be freed!

 

 

You made your choice,

You decided not to fight,

I can hold my head high

and say I tried with all my might.

 

 

Release me back into the world,

free from this torture and pain

Someone else with want me,

I will find love again!

 

 

The options are clear now,

Come home or stay away.

I’m ready for both choices,

It’s just another day!

 

 

But don’t keep me waiting,

Decide one way or the other.

Mistake number 1 was walking away,

Thinking I’m waiting forever will be another.

 

 

Image credit : Google

Image credit : Google

The Recurring Dream

I dreamed of you again last night,

And the magic from the first time we met.

Walking hand in hand at midnight,

In the rain, it didn’t matter that we got wet.

 

Sitting in the field as the sun went down,

Watching the moon and stars,

Talking and laughing for hours

Lost in the precious time of ours.

 

We laughed and cried as we shared our past,

enchanted by each others stories.

We didn’t dwell on the pain too much,

And emphasized all our glories.

 

The rain came and went, and back came the heat,

As the grass soaked out feet,

But still we sit there alone with each other

Two lost souls destined to meet.

 

As the sun began to rise again,

And the birds song their morning song,

We realised how much time had been spent outside

And soon you would be gone.

 

The perfect way to spend a night,

with great company by my side.

No pressure, no technology, no phones

Just me and you at one with nature, it fills me up with pride.

 

And just like that you have to go,

a farewell with a gentle, tender kiss

And in my heart I truly know,

It will never ever be like this.

 

As quick as you’re gone,

I’m wide awake, alone in my double bed.

It felt so real, so natural, so perfect

But alas it was all in my head.

 

Another day spent all alone,

waiting for the recurring dream.

And when it comes it will be as good as before

Things can be as wonderful as they seem.

 

A dinner date, night out at the pub,

I wonder what will happen tonight,

As long as it’s the two of us.

I know it will be a perfect night.

 

The alarm will go again at seven,

Taking you away again out of the blue,

It’s not very often I remember my dreams.

I pray these ones come true!

 

©thedepressedmoose 2013

 

Sounds

The clock is ticking loud and clear,

Each minute feels like an hour.

The sound of every passing second

Reminding me I should be sleeping.

 

The boiler slowly kicking into life.

The flame reigniting

Both these constant noises

Remind me that I’m still here – fighting.

 

The humming of the refrigerator

The computer slowly whirring

I rise up from my creaking bed

At last a moose is stirring.

 

The creaking doors and windows

As I greet the world outside.

The kettle boiling and cigarette being lit

Sighing with that first nicotine hit.

 

The crow down below

Squawking with all its might

“wake up you lazy bastards

it morning time not night”

 

The cats following me around the place

“Feed me I want to stuff my face!”

The mornings are my favourite time

Full of joyous sights and noisey rhyme

 

And so at 7 am here I sit

Taking in all the sounds

A new day is beginning

Another day that I will be winning!

What I see Part 2

 

I have been asked to write a poem,

with much less negativity.

A chance to be more appreciative

About the good things in me.

 

I’m 16 stone of love machine

A sex god if you will,

And all achieved without the need,

for a magic blue pill!

 

with charm, charisma and wonderful humour,

I should be on the tele,

I could be the new Keith Lemon,

with less ginger and more belly.

 

A big strong heart and caring nature,

A moose just like no other,

But the sun would have a field day,

with stories sold by my evil twin brother! (sorry David)

 

I can laugh at my misfortune,

I don’t take myself too seriously,

I’d make a great presenter,

And pronounce all my letter unlike “wossy”

 

People open up to me,

They feel I’m someone they can trust,

But don’t leave me near your pizzas,

I’d eat it all and leave the crust!

 

Strong minded but gentle,

wise beyond my years.

I will hold your hand and guide you

As you take on your fears!

 

My strength comes from helping others,

seeing the victories they make.

No victory to small, no challenge we cant face,

I will be there every step of the way with dignity and grace.

 

A message of encouragement,

A simple “are you Okay?”

Knowing someone has your back

Makes such a difference to your day.

 

I’m that person, the one on who you can rely,

Celebrating your successes, or listening while you cry.

You can talk to me about any issues,

I will be here handing out the tissues.

 

If I look real hard I can see,

There are some real good qualities in me!

It is thanks to some good people out there,

To remind me to treat myself with more care.

 

So one day when your watching TV,

You just might find a moose,

fingers crossed its not crimewatch,

being caught doing things with a goose!

 

I will be famoose one day,

Just you wait and see,

a brand new television show

entitled “The Moose and Me”

 

I’d go around the country,

helping others with their woes,

overcoming life real troubles,

it would be a series of uplifting shows!

 

Behind the lack of confidence,

is a man with quite a big dream,

famous for helping other people,

how ridiculous does that seem?

 

But that is how I see myself,

someone to help the masses.

Putting myself in the public eye,

so we can kick some collective asses!

 

A man who is open and honest,

sharing his experiences with nowhere to hide.

Fuck this negative crap,

I should be full of pride!

 

I have a great sense of humour,

I think I am rather witty.

No more being hard on myself,

and making myself feel shitty!

 

I’m gonna focus on the good things,

The qualities that you seem to like,

from this moment on,

Negativity can take a hike!!!

 

 

Thanks to Barry for encouraging me to try this!

What I See

It’s a rough period currently, I cannot seem to shake the self loathing feelings I am experiencing and at the moment there seems to be no light at the end of this tunnel…apologies for another awful poem but God loves a trier!

Losing my hair and going grey,

getting fatter by the day!

fatty, ugly and four eyes

the names i call myself bring tears to my eyes!

 

overweight, lazy a waste of a life

a terrible husband to my long suffering wife!

I should be alone not bringing down folks,

I should be the butt of peoples jokes.

 

You see me as witty, charming perhaps,

I see a fat mess who can’t run 2 laps!

The horrible smile, the nasty stained teeth,

A former man now lacking belief.

 

How do I return to the Moose of old?

Not giving a damn, strong and bold.

Even just for a day, to feel happy again,

24 hours release from this self inflicted pain!

 

Buried away he must still be there,

spending hours in the mirror, putting gel in his hair.

A twinkling of the eyes, a devilish grin

The first on the dance floor so the party could begin.

 

If you see the old Garry,

send him my way.

I know y’all would love him,

he’s better than the “new” me I can say

 

Remind him of the times when we had fun,

Sipping jack and coke relaxing in the sun

Surrounded by friends, laughing and joking.

Not this mess of a man currently choking!

 

If only I could see,

what you other people see.

Then I would strive to be,

A better version of me!

 

 

Send me an Angel

 

 

photo credit: Google images

photo credit: Google images

I know your up there looking down on me,

Send me an angel or some kind of sign,

something to help or to guide me,

Through this difficult time.

 

If you were still here today,

you would know the right things to say.

You would tell me you love me and that you believe,

Instead I’m lost without you struggling to grief.

 

Knowing to you I could turn,

lessons you helped me learn,

You helped me from doing wrong,

Because your faith in me was strong.

 

Please send me an angel,

To watch over and guide.

Give me back that warm sensation

Of feeling your pride.

 

Just a flicker of the lights,

or some tapping on the wall.

Anything to let me know

your still here after all.

 

Send this angel today

in the form of motivation,

remind me what I’m good at

give me some inspiration

 

Makes me creative again

put the words in my heart

if im touched by an angel

i can make a fresh start!

 

 

There’s a Storm a coming

 

Blue sky turns dark,

black clouds overhead

The storm is a coming

bringing feelings of dread.

 

A month of “success”,

Taking it all in my stride,

Telling myself I have beaten it

Turns out I lied.

 

The sunshine disappearing,

Replaced by thunder, lightning and rain

The suffering of my friends

Causing me so much pain.

 

Let the rain wash over me,

Let the storm sweep me away,

I’m stronger than you think

I will be back another day.

 

Suffering doubts and self pity,

It’s no longer my style.

I can handle what you throw at me,

I will beat you with a smile.

 

Allowing the bad days,

No more being dragged back down

No more hiding from the fight.

It’s a new day tomorrow and with it comes new light.

 

I’m not scared of you storm,

and the drama your bringing

I’m Garry the moose

And I’m used to winning!

 

One day at a time,

The storm will not last

Keep the faith in your recovery

And once more it will have passed!

Sunshine

Sunshine

Sunshine through the window
Clock says 7am
Only had 3 hours sleep
Wake up weary, feeling weak.

Headache, pain, the usual worry
Take my medication in a hurry
Wondering what the day will bring
But I’m alive and that’s a WIN

New found sense of motivation
Re-energised, revitalisation
Ideas far beyond my usual station
Time I fought back against frustration

The rays of the sun shining on my face
A message from the lord above
Reminding me that I’m alive
A guiding light, filled with love

So many plans
Lots to be done
No longer do I see them as chores
Now it’s about having fun

Sitting down turn on the PC
Amazed at the screen in front of me
Have I achieved so much thus far?
Was that really all done by me?

That lazy, unhappy, useless man
He only went and followed a plan
Writing blogs and now a book
I will have to take a second look

That man, smiling so happily
Looks familiar, a face from the past
Working at the computer
Typing words so fast

He looks dedicated
Like he is on a mission
I want to question him
Ask him about his vision

I wont disturb him
He looks so cheery
No longer shoulders slumped
Tired, beaten and weary

That man it’s Garry
The one from before
Overcoming some issues
Showing them out of the door

Garry the joker
Garry the one on who you could rely
Is starting to return
He feels like he could fly

I’m on my way back
The skies blue no longer grey
I’m thankful to be alive
I am not going away

The sunshine that woke me
Heralding a new start
The plans for me have been chosen
Now time for me to play my part

I found the right path
I went the correct direction
Time to grasp this opportunity
No time for reflection

Friends came through to me
Reaching out, showing me the way
I had to take this path alone
But in my heart they will stay

A new day of hope
Of expectation and glory
The good times are coming back
What an end to this story!