Poxy Song get Out of My Head

Funny how certain things can trigger a bad mood, or the start of a down period isn’t it. For the past few days I have a song stuck in my head and cannot seem to shake it. It’s not a song about depression as such but the first few lines of the song really resonate with me and probably describe perfectly how I have been living most of my life…

People say I’m the life of the party

‘Cause I tell a joke or two

Although I might be laughing loud and hearty

Deep inside I’m blue

Recognise the song? It’s Tracks of My Tears by Smokey Robinson

I have no idea why it is in my head as I certainly have heard it on the radio recently! It has certainly got me thinking though.

As I have said before I really don’t care what people say about me BUT deep down I do care what they think about me!

Why don’t I have any close friends who want to invite me out for a drink? It has been at least 2 years since someone asked me and even then it was via a mass invite of friends on Facebook.

Since I stopped playing mafia wars and started a new personal only account on facebook I have noticed a significant drop in interaction with people in terms of  numbers. Certainly going from an account with 1000s of friends to a new one with around 80 will do that to you but on a personal level I am interacting with more people.

I think I am suffering a crisis of identity today! I have been known as “The Moose” for over 3 years and was someone who was well known throughout the game. Now I am known as Garry and that’s harder for me to accept. I am used to having the persona to hide behind today I feel like people don’t want to know me for me, the man behind the moose as it were.

I had a great week with my depression so I am allowing myself a day to feel down as it’s part of the cycle and I was expecting it to come sooner rather than later. One of the great things about writing this blog is the amount of research I have done into depression so I am fully aware of what to expect and how to deal with days like today so as not to drag me down again – remember I said I was strong 🙂

Just a random post of how I feel today, I like to get it down in print so I can look at it later as blogging really does help me!

13 comments on “Poxy Song get Out of My Head

  1. Two points: 1) I love that song and it often rattles around in my head 2) I hear what you are saying here loud and clear. As they say, keep on keeping on 🙂

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  2. Sooooo… I’m curious. What steps are you taking to get out of your flat and meet people who YOU can ask to meet for a drink? This is not a criticism. I continue to struggle with this issue too. I love my new home but I still feel very isolated. For now, I volunteer in the library and the local women’s club. I have some other ideas too and need to get off my butt (aka computer). It’s easy to get stuck here.

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  3. Pingback: My Month in Blogville – A Bad Poem to Celebrate | The Depressed Moose

  4. Giving a lot of energy to depression could make you very good at it!
    I put some energies on guitar playing and got very good at it,same with cooking..I practised and got very good at it.Those who speak a lot of illness,usually have it.I am a moosemom and I practise moose medicine.We love to spread good news.Can I help out?

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