If you look closely enough in the photo you can just about make out my cat on the foreground of my sofa. The crafty animal was helping herself to the cream on the table and I did not notice her until she was happily tucking into it! It is not the best of pictures but it fits in nicely with the theme of this post.
When we have our depressed days (I am starting to dislike the term “down days” despite how often I use it!) wouldn’t it be great if we could have a form of camouflage to hide into and disappear from view for a while. It would be a handy tool to have at our disposal, to have the ability to merge into the background and go along our merry way without being spotted by people.
Or would it?
The funny thing about this is how open and exposed I am in this blog despite my claim for camouflage! As I have said before I am a series of contradictions see here for more on that!
I dress in bright colours as I like my clothes to reflect my personality, IE Loud, maybe in a strange way I use it to reflect away from the inside me and let people focus on the outside appearance which I can control better.
Problem is I like wearing pink T-shirts and end up looking like this….
Yes I know I do not really look like that mainly because my pink t-shirts are spotless (for this very reason) but I am starting to draw the conclusion that my own camouflage is more verbal than visual. Telling people I am doing OK, I am getting better etc seems to work better for me than hiding behind something as I like to be center stage – There I said it!
Despite the bright, loud clothing I wear it appears it is more anti-camouflage than an attempt at hiding away. What do you think? Am I making sense or over analyzing?
Despite my depression I am more comfortable at the front than hiding away in the back out of sight, as the saying goes “out of sight, out of mind” but I think I may be in the minority in this case. I would love your views on this!
I guess for me attack is the best form of defence in terms of dealing with depression which is why I am happy to tell people about it and publicise it because then I am the master of the situation and can deal with it in my own way.
This probably comes from years of being known as the “loud one” if I carry on with this identity it becomes less obvious to people that there is something wrong. Once you suddenly become quiet and withdrawn the first thing people ask is “what’s wrong?”.
Do you have your own form of camouflage? Is it the smile that appears on your face to hide the real feelings? I would love to know….