Before I start I feel I should explain to my friends outside of England that 999 is the number here for the emergency services. Picture me whimpering, anxious and in a bad way as I make a call to 999…
999 Operator : 999 which emergency service do you require?
me: I….I’m not sure which one can help me but I have an emergency!
999: What is the emergency Sir?
me: please send someone I am getting desperate!
999: ok Sir, help will be with you soon, please tell me the emergency so we can help
me: is this call confidential?
999: yes but I need to know what the emergency is!
me: (sobbing) I HAVE NO BISCUITS IN THE FLAT!
999: sorry I think I miss heard you! can you repeat so we can get you help?
me: there are….no..biscuits…in…my flat
999: hangs up!
UPDATE: for my good friends across the pond biscuits = cookies
Apparently this is not considered an emergency! try telling that to me whilst I sit on my knees reaching into every nook and cranny of the cupboards looking for the invisible biscuits.
I think I might go onto Dragon’s Den or The Apprentice with a business proposal of an emergency biscuit courier service where we have a website and a hotline for people to reach out to us in times of desperation and we get them biscuits delivered within a certain time frame.
Naturally we will charge an extortionate fee because after all we are running a business!