I feel great mentally today. Better than I have since I published the book.
Why has the book being published been so traumatic for me? I have no idea at all but the last week has drained everything out of me and it has no begun to affect me physically.
I am suffering from lots of small aches and pains, and one sore ankle (3 days of ice and stuff has not helped one bit!), I have to go out and take the dog for a walk. It is vital to me because otherwise I wont leave home so I make sure to grit my teeth and deal with the shooting pains in my ankle with each step and get some fresh air for at least half hour when I take Patch out. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal but believe me faced with the choice of going out or staying in door 9 times out of 10 I would chose the staying in option.
I am working hard on myself mentally to get myself in a better frame of mind but as always I feel that when I am better mentally the physical side suffers and vice versa. I couldn’t tell you a time when both mental and physical elements worked in unison on a positive note.
So now here I am being let down by my body.
I know this because all I want to do at the moment is sleep. The magical word sleep! To shut my eyes and have the brain disengaged for a solid 8 hours is the stuff of dreams. Naturally I can’t sleep!
Sleeping is not a problem in itself, the problem I have is getting to sleep. Once the eyes are shut then I’m dead to the world and can sleep through anything. I cannot just lay down and go to sleep, I have tried this before and after an hour of just laying down I start to get frustrated, or even worse start thinking, then over thinking and before you know it I am wide awake again and its 7am!
When I get exhausted though my body just switches off and I go to sleep. Not in the sense where I just drop off anywhere its not as bad as that but I have to go to the bedroom and next thing you know its a few hours later. Sometimes this works out fine but lately I am still exhausted when I wake up which makes for a very bad tempered Moose!
Have you ever seen the film “Scent of a Woman” If you haven’t heard of it please check it out. Al Pacino at his finest playing a blind ex soldier. The clip below is from the scene when he wants to kill himself and contains bad language but I really connect with this scene. Especially his words “I’m in dark here!”
If it doesn’t let you view it go to youtube and search “scent of a woman in the dark”
Although “in the dark” may be a reference to his blindness, to me it is in reference to his depression which goes unmentioned in the film.
Some days I feel like I am “in the dark” as well!
Today is not one of them though.