“In The Dark”

I feel great mentally today. Better than I have since I published the book.

Why has the book being published been so traumatic for me? I have no idea at all but the last week has drained everything out of me and it has no begun to affect me physically.

I am suffering from lots of small aches and pains, and one sore ankle (3 days of ice and stuff has not helped one bit!), I have to go out and take the dog for a walk. It is vital to me because otherwise I wont leave home so I make sure to grit my teeth and deal with the shooting pains in my ankle with each step and get some fresh air for at least half hour when I take Patch out. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal but believe me faced with the choice of going out or staying in door 9 times out of 10 I would chose the staying in option.

I am working hard on myself mentally to get myself in a better frame of mind but as always I feel that when I am better mentally the physical side suffers and vice versa. I couldn’t tell you a time when both mental and physical elements worked in unison on a positive note.

So now here I am being let down by my body.

I know this because all I want to do at the moment is sleep. The magical word sleep! To shut my eyes and have the brain disengaged for a solid 8 hours is the stuff of dreams. Naturally I can’t sleep!

Sleeping is not a problem in itself, the problem I have is getting to sleep. Once the eyes are shut then I’m dead to the world and can sleep through anything.  I cannot just lay down and go to sleep, I have tried this before and after an hour of just laying down I start to get frustrated, or even worse start thinking, then over thinking and before you know it I am wide awake again and its 7am!

When I get exhausted though my body just switches off and I go to sleep. Not in the sense where I just drop off anywhere its not as bad as that but I have to go to the bedroom and next thing you know its a few hours later.  Sometimes this works out fine but lately I am still exhausted when I wake up which makes for a very bad tempered Moose!

Have you ever seen the film “Scent of a Woman” If you haven’t heard of it please check it out. Al Pacino at his finest playing a blind ex soldier. The clip below is from the scene when he wants to kill himself and contains bad language but I really connect with this scene. Especially his words “I’m in dark here!”

If it doesn’t let you view it go to youtube and search “scent of a woman in the dark”

Although “in the dark” may be a reference to his blindness, to me it is in reference to his depression which goes unmentioned in the film.

Some days I feel like I am “in the dark” as well!

Today is not one of them though.

7 comments on ““In The Dark”

  1. I have so many random thoughts about today’s blog. Should type them out then rearrange and tweak until they form some cohesive statement(s). But…woulda, coulda, shoulda…you did, remember that, you did my friend. Stong light you have there!

    Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda

    All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
    Layin’ in the sun,
    Talkin’ ’bout the things
    They woulda coulda shoulda done…
    But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
    All ran away and hid
    From one little Did.

    Sheldon Allan Silverstein

  2. yeah I loved that movie. I love Al Pacino anyway. He did really goo as a blind man. I am glad that your mental state is in a good place, Thank God!, Now were gonna have to get your physical state up to speed. I will say a prayer for you that your ankle will be better soon a that you will feel better (((hugs)))

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