The fictional words of Yoda ring in my eye “shit yourself you will”
Another appointment with the good people at Seetec today, an appointment that takes me over an hour to get there, involving sitting on 2 buses at least. Usually though I don’t bother getting the second bus that takes me there and walk about 2 miles instead.
There are two reasons for this
1. It saves me precious money on bus fare
2. I can guarantee I will need to use the public toilets that are only 5 minutes away from where the first bus takes me.
I hate using public toilets though, having to sit on a dirty seat, never enough toilet paper or toilet paper that is either like a wire brush or tracing paper!
The alternative is much worse though, and having struggled with IBS on days like today especially, I can personally verify that dirty public toilets is far more comfortable than an accident.
Accidents I can handle in the comfort of home, when I am at an appointment its entirely different.
The worst part of it all is that I know I am worrying for nothing. Despite the horrible person I dealt with last time who made me feel like rubbish the people at Seetec are actually pretty nice. I am seeing the ESA specialist today, we spoke on the phone a few weeks ago and he seemed really nice. He did a good job of putting me at ease, but still today is one I have been dreading all week, and anxious moose equals cant leave the flat because of IBS.
So think of me today, unable to eat anything all day until I get home about 5pm, wondering the streets with a spare set of underwear in a bag just in case.
Depression I can deal with, I know how to cope with the bad days, the bad feelings can change back to good in a matter of hours.
IBS is much harder to control. Stressing me out, making me so conscious of the fact that I am like a gun waiting to go off.
Still 3 hours until I have to leave, I have only been awake less than an hour and already spent more time on the toilet than sitting at my PC.
Wish me luck, I am going to need it!