WTF!!!!

Something has happened tonight but I don’t have an idea what it is.

I feel like one of two things is going to happen.

1. I am going to break down and cry

2. I am going to explode

I feel beaten tonight, earlier I was feeling great.

I don’t think I can cope anymore if the moods are going to change so rapidly.

Today I have been anxious, stressed, happy, emotional and angry its all too much for me.

It is making no sense as to why the sudden changes it is the first time I have been through so many different moods in one day.

I got to admit i don’t like it – I had things planned for tonight wanted to write some more of my book, finish editing the poetry book and I am in the mood for doing nothing but wallow in self pity!

I feel like I have nothing left to offer. All the messages of support this week, the encouragement I have received has been pushed out and replaced with the negativity again.

And it makes me so effing frustrated and mad with myself!

I thought I was getting a handle on depression, was feeling like I was controlling it for once rather than it controlling me. It has turned round and bit my right between the legs and is shaking me around like a rag doll.

Tonight is the night I need help but is also the night that I wont accept it.

Tonight is the night I need Jesus to send me some angels and help me through.

Those of you who prayer please say one for me tonight, it is not often I ask for this but there is something seriously wrong tonight.

Here is hoping for a brighter tomorrow!

 

25 comments on “WTF!!!!

  1. On my way home from work today I turned on my car radio. A voice inside me said “The next song that plays if for Garry” . . . . I know, it sounds strange, but from the bottom of my heart i knew it was Jesus. I came home and found it and put it on your wall before I read this blog. After reading your pain, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt He sent this to you so be blessed my friend He has your back !! ❤

  2. *Hug*

    It’s the nature of the beast, innit? It’s hard to look at it objectively when yr up so close. Is there any way you can sleep and hopefully get through most of it that way? Or if you can’t sleep, is there anything relaxing and kind you can do for yrself – just something small, even reading a book or listening to loud music through yr earphones to drown out the bad thoughts, or a podcast to distract you?

    Thinking of you
    X

  3. Your day has caught up with your head and now the depression is reacting to it,
    Hope you do have a better tommorow mate, I don’t pray but I’ll send a few thoughts

  4. sorry you’re in such pain. just a thought what you have been describing for the last while almost sounds like bipolar but whether it is or not i hope you are able to get some help therapy wise. prayers going up.

  5. hope you feel better tomorrow. i second the comment about bipolar. i was misdiagnosed with depression for a year before they decided on a diagnosis of bipolar. worth bringing up with your doctor…. feel better soon

  6. Hey the response you got shows how many ppl care
    That’s one thing the depression or bipolar can never take away, the evidence is here so when it tries remind it of here

    🙂

    • May the God of Heaven and Earth, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. and the protector of the weak send light into your world tonight. I pray angels at every window and door. I pray that your mind will clear and that God will fight your battles tonight as your sleep in peace and joy. In Jesus’ precious blessed name I pray. amen

  7. I would say you have a good support system here from the looks of all these comments. Hang in there and be gentle to the moose..x

  8. In the words of John Lennon, “Life is what happens when we’re busy making other plans”. Let it go, turn your computer off and go spend time with Lilybet. Or Sheryl, or the dog… Tell yourself you’re allowed one hour of wallowing and then get on with living. If you’re still wallowing at the end of an hour, so what? You get another 15 mins to do that, but then it’s go make a cup of tea. Take care. X

  9. That is probably the thing I struggle with most about depression. The mood swings and having absolutely no clue as to why it’s happening. Yesterday I woke up feeling low and it set my IBS off I think it’s cos I had lots of nightmares and didn’t sleep well. Anyway I perked up and painted my bedroom cos my other half gave me the task to keep my mind busy and it worked I felt like I achieved something. Then after a fairly positive day I was sat watching tele and all over a sudden my mood just plummeted and I felt full of dread and despair. I hate it especially when you feel like your going through a good week then at the click of a finger youre brought back down to life. It feels like a never ending battle what I’m losing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.