Just come back from the Dr and he is baffled beyond words.
When he asked what the problem was he was amazed to see me remove my trousers and reveal an orange penis!
He said he had never seen anything like this before in his career and asked “what do you do with your spare time”
I explained that I sit around all day eating cheesy doritos watching pornography.
Thought a little humour might lighten the mood! for the record my penis is not orange – just had to make that clear.
So why the “cheesy” joke? (see what I did there?)
Simple answer is because I am going through a stage of feeling no pleasure or enjoyment in ANYTHING!
All the old favourites like reading books on the mafia, watching football (s0ccer) on TV, listening to music and comfort eating bring me no feelings of joy whatsoever.
Best way to describe my feelings?
Numb just about sums it all up.
And lets even mention my sex drive which has gone from being through the roof to being buried beneath the surface of the earth trapped underneath an immovable object.
This is how I know things are not great!
So thank God for songpop as its the only thing I enjoy of late, yep Moose has gone and found a new game on facebook to be addicted to..ho hum ho hum
I will be glad when my medical with Atos is done and dusted so I can start to deal with the inevitable appeal process because the past 2 weeks have drained every positive thought out of me.
Today I even did something that has ashamed me, I can’t say what, but nothing dangerous to my health before you worry but its all systematic of how bad things are these days.
So lets try being positive for a change:
Negative: my gas and electric are both on emergency funds again because we have no money.
Positive: I have no food in the house that would involve using the gas oven anyway
2nd Positive: I don’t need lights in the house to feel miserable
Did it work? nah didnt think so.
Although I do have one very positive thing to look forward this on Friday and that is that one of my bestest blogging buddies has offered to attend the medical with me so I am not going through it alone. I wont reveal who in case they dont want others to know but it has touched me that they are giving up free time to help me.
I have written nothing new for my “novel” not because I dont know where the story is going or anything I just have 0 motivation to do anything.
Here is hoping that the winds of change are about to send some good luck my way because I really think it is about time I had some.