Hiding

Was searching on google for a perfect image to describe my state recently and this one fits the bill nicely.

hid·ing/ˈhīdiNG/

Noun:
  1. A physical beating.
  2. The action of concealing someone or something.
Synonyms: concealment – thrashing – beating – leathering

 

The action of concealing someone.

Why I am hiding or what I am hiding from I am yet to work out but I am going through a phase of just wanting to sleep constantly. Wake up and within a few hours heading back to bed again.

I am a shitty father to Brandon because he rarely sees me, I am asleep when he leaves for school in the morning and 9 times out of 10 when he gets home from school I am back in bed sleeping. I feel sorry for him because he is such a sensitive kid he worries about me, but I do make a point of trying to explain how depression works but at the same time he is 13 and wont understand fully bless him.

Lilybet is a different matter because she forces herself onto me which is great and I really love having her around, daily I take her to nursery because “daddy takes me and mummy picks me up” but again usually I am sleeping when she comes home.

Speaking of Lilybet I asked her yesterday why she never stays with me when Sheryl goes to work (once every 2 weeks for 4 hours!) her reply was “because you get on my nerves!”

So there we have it I get on the nerves of a 3 year old!

If you see a moose hiding in the shadows try coaxing him out he really doesn’t want to be there but cant seem to force himself out of hiding.

9 comments on “Hiding

  1. Give yourself a break for Gods sake, you think about and consider your children. That doesn’t happen so much these days. I see it every day – time, talking,understanding or at least trying to understand is not part of life anymore. Your children will be stronger because they know and understand.

  2. I have to agree with Mary.
    You care and love, the children understand this, and, even thought they do not realise it, absorb it.
    Understanding comes later. My daughter is 28 and only understood this year who I am, why I am who I am.
    So many kids want to be loved and cared for – they yearn for that which you give your children. This isn’t Hollywood, and things aren’t perfect; but love is, and always remains so.
    I know how you feel, though. I always felt I was a shitty Dad to my three girls, could have done better for them, could have given more, been there more, etc, etc, etc.

    They grew up. And I understand they love me, even if our lives weren’t the perfect – and impossible, and improbable, and nonexistent – model of glossy parenting magazines.
    Be at peace. Yu are loved, and you love.
    R.

  3. Morning, I think you come across as a great dad! And not everyone can be a good dad, you do seem so caring. I’ve said in the past myself I think depression can sometimes be brought on because we can sometimes care too much! Please do believe that, you’re a good dad, and you do care, the depression is taking hold, you can beat it, in your own time! Best wishes

  4. Pingback: Hiding | Mental Health, Politics and LGBT issues | Scoop.it

  5. Come on out Moose – you know the WeeGee goes into hiding every once in a while too? I can promise it’s much better when you come out xxx

  6. I have to agree with everyone – you come across as a loving and caring father. At least you have meaningful dialogue with your kids. My dad never did, he was in complete denial, so my brother and I had a very iffy childhood, not knowing whether dad was going to be ok with us or whether we were going to get yelled at or even beaten.
    It’s OK to hide away for a while now and again – I’m doing the same thing myself, but we both know that once we come out into the light we’ll feel a lot better.
    Sending love and hugs Moose-man xx

  7. Pingback: Ella

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