Questions Men Are Afraid To Be Asked

Different from my normal postings but as I am feeling in one of those moods I am gonna go with something completely different.

Laughter is the best form of medicine after all so here are some questions women ask that scare men the world over.

These are in no particular order except for the very last one and once you reach there you will know why I saved the best till last!

Do I look fat in this?

Do not answer it is a trick question!

change the subject as soon as possible by saying her hair looks great or her shoes are nice!

Never ever ever ever (if you want sex again!) say – yes! honesty is not the best policy here. Find something good to say or suddenly grab your bits like your about to wet yourself and go and hide in the bathroom. Remember to flush for authenticity!

Do you like my new hairstyle?

Even if it makes her look like a boy never say that! mention how the new style shows of her facial features and makes her eyes stand out even more!

You hate it really but she is unlikely to wear that wig or hat that you think would be a good suggestion.

How many people have you slept with?

If you really have to answer this honestly just give a number, do not give her names of past lovers. Do not give them in chronological order (especially if she is number 9 and you have had 10 or more!) and do not rank them out of 10!

Remember she is likely to give you a less than honest answer herself so you don’t think bad of her!

If in doubt make it low!

what are you thinking about?

The following should never ever be said:

My ex

That girl who did things in bed you wont

Your best friend

Football

sex

instead try “thinking about how happy you make me”

is she prettier than me?

the crucial part of this is the amount of time taken to answer! do not even hesitate before the question has been finished “no” must have been said!

unless you want to break up of course then you can say “yes much prettier and had a better personality” however i highly recommend only saying this once the keys are in the ignition to the car and your private parts are safely out of range from any damage!

do you watch porn?

she knows you do and she knows that you know that she knows!

“only after you are in bed asleep!” will not work, only thing that will work is changing the subject and hope she doesnt mention the dodgy chat lines you use

do you love me?

make or break time!

do not say yes just to have sex with her!

do not say yes just because you don’t want an argument

if you do not want to say yes reach into your pocket and pick up your mobile phone, causally comment that it is vibrating because you had it on silent and walk away whilst having an imaginary conversation (preferable with the local florist ordering the flowers you will need to make things better)

what do you think of my friends?

doesn’tΒ matter her friends will hate you, your not good enough for her in their eyes!

however be sure not to say “i love the brunette with the DDs”

and the worst question any man will want to be asked in his life is(according to my friends because i have never been asked this!!!!)

Is it in yet?……

==================================================================================

and now for the one question women do not want to be asked above all else

no matter if she is any of the following

emotional

angry

sad

argumentative

asking lots of the above questions

getting on your last nerve!

at no time ever should the following be asked…

is it your time of the month?

 

 

12 comments on “Questions Men Are Afraid To Be Asked

  1. I think I must not be normal because when I ask #3 and my gentleman responds “sex”, I’m totally okay with it. Assuming he means sex with me, of course.

    And for #5, he’s allowed to answer yes without punishment or judgment. I understand men watch it. I read erotica sometimes (the sounds on porn weird me out). It doesn’t make up for the intimacy of real sex, so I don’t see it as a replacement or competition.

    Thanks for the humorous post though! I loved it πŸ™‚

    Like

  2. Pingback: Questions Men Are Afraid To Be Asked | Mental Health, Politics and LGBT issues | Scoop.it

  3. Hi Moose, HaHa my other half would love this. Anything that would endanger his man bits he always likes to play safe lol, and I also have to say your #moosepoem the other night was great albeit kept me awake till early hours repeating it over and over πŸ˜‰ I turned it into a rap #mooserap of course ………shellx:)

    Like

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