Today I actually made it to an appointment with the mental health team in Goodmayes for an assessment. This was a case of 3rd time lucky and after over an hour with the Dr I left with more questions than answers!
“what is it you think we can do for you?”
That was the question that bugged me the most as I have no idea what to expect from them.
“sort out my head so i can stop shitting myself” was my reply!
So now I have to wait to find out what happens next, do they discharge me and recommend counselling or is there something more that they can offer me. I am still waiting to find out if I have bipolar or not as my GP suspects this may be the case.
What I was wasn’t expecting was to be lectured about my sleep and sleeping habits. It is a big issue for me and I was hoping they could shed some light on the hows and why of the cycle of constant sleep or no sleep.
Instead its all my fault for going to sleep when I am tired, regardless of the time of day. It’s like I wake up after hours of broken sleep still feeling tired on purpose!
Today for example I had to get up 3 hours before my appointment time just to ensure I could go to the toilet before leaving. I managed 5 hours sleep last night (on and off) but as soon as I came home I ended up sleeping for 4 hours.
This week I have been trying to avoid sleeping during the day and had been going to bed at 10pm, expect that 3-4 hours later I was waking up and wide awake! Then I wasnt able to fall back to sleep until 6am!
But apparently its all my fault and I need to work harder at staying awake, even when absolutely shattered! I pointed out that one of my issues at the moment was having zero energy but the sleep pattern is all my fault. Even when I mentioned that during my “happy” cycles I don’t need as much sleep but this seemed to go unnoticed.
Here is my prediction for what happens next…
The mental health team will decide that they can’t do anything for me and refer me to Sanibel (a local place here that does counselling).
Sanibel have already written to my GP stating that they don’t think I should be referred to them as it’s more a case for the mental health team.
And me? I will be stuck in limbo again!
Nevermind its almost time for a nap!