Since my teen years, (now reaching nearer the half century mark), I have struggled with life. Never being able to find the balance.
Always been up and down like a yo-yo, but have found over the years, that I have more downs and feeling unhappy most of the time.
I don;t take anti-depressants, as they really disagree with me.
Recently I had BeMe contact me for an assessment to offer me therapy, as I have been through so much in life, and
still have family issues today, which I find hard at times, especially when lots of things happen in a short space of time.
Those are the times I can’t cope with. Going back to therapy. They rang me, and I talked to them for around 45 mins, only to
be told I was too depressed for therapy!
Shortly after my appointment with my psychiatrist came through, I spent 2 and a half hours talking to her about my troubled past
with my Dad who is a recluse now, (he is 83), he doesn’t see anyone including me – i keep trying thou. My abusive marriage, which
has left me with PTSD, my son whom has tried to kill himself and ended up in a unit for one week, I had to voluntarily section him.
And for the last couple of years, struggling with my girl, who is 13, with raging hormones and ADHD and other complexed needs.
Plus my childhood and the abuse I suffered. So, over the years, no one to really talk too about this, it all came flooding out. Relief – yes.
But also couldn’t see a way out, at which this point the psychiatrist thought about sectioning me as she thought I could have been a danger
After convincing her I wouldn’t do anything silly, she decided to let me go. I cried all the way home, but tears of relief as she listened to me.
Really listened to all my heartache and pain. To which I truthfully realized, talking is good. It’s just you have to be careful, who with.
At the moment I am finding life hard again, I don’t have a social life, because I have to be here for my daughter for her extreme random behaviour.
Which is challenging at times. But she is important and my top priority. I don’t have any support for myself, or for her. I do still suffer from
depression, but not as much as I used too. If I feel under the weather, or I get really low, I normally go to bed, or use distraction, as in the form
of my kindle, where I can lose myself playing games on it and forget about the world as a whole. My friends are all busy with their lives,
and I can’t really go out anywhere at the moment, Sometimes I think my life is doomed, but then we have to make the most of it.
As I say, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s just often we don’t see it.
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