Walls

Image Credit: Google

Image Credit: Google

I’m away for a hide for a little while, no idea how long could be hours, days or weeks but I’m not great at the moment having a crisis of confidence.

Sadly, that inner voice that I had hidden (or ignored) has come back and asked all manner of questions that I had avoided asking let alone trying to answer.

Image Credit: Google

Image Credit: Google

So I am going to do the hardest thing and sit down and work out the answers, no matter how painful.

For now the walls are up, people not allowed in and I have to face this alone.

 

Keep On Keeping On

To coin a phrase the wonderful weegee likes to throw at me now and again….

Haven’t written for a few days and feel I should update you as to whats been happening in terms of depression and life for me the past week.

I can say quite openly and confidently that I am no longer depressed – yes you read that correctly!

What I am suffering now is the loneliness of being on my own, having no kids here bar the odd day here and there I am often alone in the flat. There is a massive difference between being depressed and being sad and alone. This is how I feel at the moment. There are times when I feel low and sad but these last for a few hours as opposed to days/weeks/months and I can live with that!

I just post a few little things to get them off my chest and move on…. simples 😀

I had my final talk with the amazing Dr Dhanji on Monday before he goes to Australia (another GP sick of the red tape of the NHS and moving away). He was amazed at my progress and also proud of how far I have come despite the difficult times I have had in the past few months, which a year ago would have destroyed me mentally and sent me spiraling towards sectioning!

I told him exactly how I was feeling about being lonely, to be honest I find admitting I’m lonely harder than talking about depression.

And best of all he said that the time was right for me to stay on the reduced medication as things are going so well. I didn’t have any medication for a week following my OD and all was well, I am back taking the medication though before you panic.

 

Life is great but would be even better with someone to share the good times with, the fact that I go out on my own shows how well I am doing, but would be much more fun with someone to talk to beside Jack (Daniels)..

Here is a pic taken last week at the local pub..

Moose on a night out

Moose on a night out

 

Next Friday I head off for a holiday with Brandon and cannot wait to spend some quality time with him away from these four (freshly painted) walls , despite not having spending money (donations are still accepted LOL)

Going to stay with my twin brother and his wife and I am looking forward to it immensely the Isle of Wight here we come!

So if you see a post with negativity or melancholy undertones remember that it’s just me letting off some steam, the reality is that I will feel sad having gone from having a wife and children around to it suddenly being just me and the cats. It wont always be this way and in time things will be better, especially if I can get a grip on this issue of feeling isolated and alone.

I have some good friends, and great virtual friends who I know are a message away but please don’t always be a stranger, my door is always open to friends.

After all a stranger is a friend you have yet to meet….

Today i am off to see a therapist for the first time – gonna be interesting..

And now for some music…

 

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

 

ps if you haven’t liked my page on Facebook please do pop over there and say hi! click here

A Moosive Goodbye

The time has come for me to say goodbye to this blog.

My inspirations for writing, Teresa and Sheryl have left me. Time for me to spread my wings and fly – or crash land to the ground, one or the other.

Thank you all for reading and supporting me but now I have to move forwards on my own.

My books will still be available for the next month when I will remove them from sale for anyone interested.

good luck to you all and good mental health!

The Depressed Moose has left the building

 

 

Alone

Friday evening – Sheryl working, Lilybet at Sheryl’s mums Brandon at a friends house for the night which means I am home alone AGAIN.

I seriously would give anything to be sitting in a pub with an unlimited supply of Jack Daniels and coke right now, good friends around me and a karaoke machine!