Accountability and responsibility

Two key elements that have been disregarded since Christmas time. I pretty much downed tools and did the usual Moose thing in terms of self neglect, impulsiveness and recklessness. If I wanted to do something because the idea was in my head I would simply do it. For example one morning I woke up and decided to get my chest and back waxed, so I did. Never again lol and hats off to those of you who get other parts waxed! A new tattoo? Sure why not 4 hours later sitting in tattooists getting an awesome new but of ink, holiday for my birthday in November? Booked and nearly paid for within a few weeks.

Am I harming anyone? Hurting people with my actions? The answer is a resounding no.

It seems that it’s more about rebelling against the shit that’s happened over the years and living my life, my way.

So why self neglect? It’s about ignoring my mental health, and when I take my eyes off the prize I sink. This blog has made me hugely aware of triggers, signs and symptoms of the black dog taking hold and for 2 months I ignored it. I’m great at being there for my friends, and even strangers who contact me via this blog or the Facebook page and it gives me a huge amount of pleasure knowing people see me as someone they can reach out and be heard without judgement, and just be listened to.

It was one of the main reasons I started blogging and a huge part of why I returned.

Depression can make you feel like you’re the only person in the world with those thoughts and feelings and while it’s not seen as bad as bipolar, personality disorders etc it’s still something that affects so many people.

The point is that ultimately I am responsible for maintaining good mental health, it’s up to me to take my tablets regularly, it’s on me if I make impulsive decisions to sign up for tough mudders (what the fuck was I thinking!!???)

Accountability comes from taking responsibility for the things I have, or have not done. I need to get my arse back into exercising again, back on the healthy eating. If I want to look in the mirror and like what I see then that’s down to me to put the effort in and maintain the discipline required.

For the past 3 months I’ve been guilty of just doing the opposite of what made my mental health better.

I love my Saturday night drinks with karl, good music, dancing, women and cocktails and look forward to it. The difference now to say a month ago is I’m going there to enjoy myself and not to self medicate.

The tide is turning back my way again because I’m taking responsibility for it and full accountability.

Watch this space because I’m determined, injuries allowing, to get all that weight back off again and reach my goal weight by end of this year at the latest.

Exercise is very good for my mind even if it cripples my body. It’s the lesser of two evils. The injuries occur because my body cant handle the weight I’m carrying, yet prevents me from exercising properly to get it off. This means that diet is massively important.

The 30+ group will help, inspire, nag, motivate and drag me through the pain to reach my goals. Now I just need to get back on it…..

Week 1 over

First week of the 6 week challenge is over already. I ache in places that have never ached before. My diet has never seen such a lack of burgers/chips and Pepsi max shares have fallen as I’m not drinking it either. Water huh? Who knew……

But despite the aches, the hunger and the lack of crisps, chocolate and junk food Im loving it.

I’m aching cos im active using my arms and legs properly not just to walk to the kebab shop (not that I walk there-i drive but you get the gist)

There is a great group of men all doing rhis challenge and all being very supportive throughout the sessions and on the facebook group and its been great for me mentally already.

My head is clearer than its been since I got back from Majorca and it feels great to be in control again.

I will get the results i want because i still have more to give. I’m cautious still, my knee is trying to stop me but I have to push through the pain whilst at the same time trying not to injure myself.

The hardest part so far is the frustration in my head at not being able to physically do what my head expects is possible…yet

I need to remind myself that im closing in on 40 so this will take time. What was easy 20 years ago isnt now. I’m not as active or fit as i was then but week by week i will improve.

This isn’t just about the 6 weeks its about changing 30 years of bad habits.

Food wise im eating smaller portions of better foods and I’ve already lost 7lbs…

Encouraging start but still long way to go and seeing the first result has given me extra motivation and belief in myself that I can do this 20lb target easily….

Big thank you to those supporting me on my Facebook page. Your encouragement really helps. If you haven’t visited me on there look me up, like the page and spread the word. There are some great people on there and I’m certainly more active and visible on Facebook than here….

Week 2 starts tomorrow BRING IT ON!!!!

My Name Is Garry….And I’m a Junkfoodaholic

A wise looking man made the following statement that had a profound effect on me, I remember it clear as day. The comment he made was “once you pop, you can’t stop!”

He was right to an extent however I soon proved him wrong as I did manage to stop! Once the last pringle hit my stomach that is, so I suppose technically he wins on a TKO!

And so on this momentous day I am ready to take the first step as I sit in the front room of my flat with a pint of pepsi max (other soft drinks are available!) half eaten packet of cookies, empty crisp packets and a mars bar wrapper and say amongst friends and family


That felt good!

I mean don’t get me wrong it’s not part of some grand idea to change my diet, after all I may not suffer from denial but I am not a miracle worker!

 BUT and this is a big BUT so big in fact it makes Kim Khardashian look like Nancy NoButt

Does our diet play a part in our depression?

Sadly (in my case anyways) it appears to be the case that junk food in particular can play a role in depression due to the, for want of a better word, crap that is contained in it!

I did a google search on foods to avoid when depressed had the best information for me to “digest” but the reading is depressing for someone like me who simply does not eat 90% of the foods recommended to eat to aid depression.

Nutritional Causes of Depression

Frequent consumption of caffeine or sucrose (table sugar)

B vitamins deficiencies (biotin, folic acid, thiamine, B6, B2, or B12)

Deficiencies of vitamin C

Mineral deficiencies including calcium, copper, iron, magnesium or potassium

Excesses of magnesium or vanadium

Food allergies or sensitivities

Preservatives, dyes, additives and heavily processed foods

Foods to AVOID When Depressed

Refined and simple sugar (white sugar, honey, fructose, maple syrup, etc). These deplete your body of B vitamins. They also increase hypoglycemia linked to mood swings and depression.

Heavily processed foods with additives and preservatives – These foods deplete the nutrients needed for metabolism.

Foods high in saturated fats – These fats cause poor circulation to the brain, inhibiting the synthesis of neurotransmitters.

Very high protein diets – Excess protein tends to decrease brain uptake of tryptophan, a very important amino acid. (However protein is important in the diet, especially for those with depression. The diets referred to here are those that are very high in protein above all else.)

Foods which you are sensitive or allergic to –These foods can be rotated in and out of the diet or eliminated all together.

Caffeine, nicotine and alcohol –Eliminate them all together if possible.

Simple Carbohydrates – Breads, pasta and other foods high in carbohydrates can lead to fatigue.

Aspartame, Nutrasweet and all artificial sweetners – Nutrasweet increases Central Nervous System tyrosine and phenylalanine, decreasing tryptophan availability. This leads to an increase in serotonin levels.     

This accounts for my diet LOL so we now know I am not helping myself with my food and here I was happily “comfort” eating all the crap which makes me worse! Thanks a lot mr “once you pop”!!

So what should I be eating well the list here makes for depressive reading!

Foods to EAT When Depressed

Foods high in B1. B1 is essential for energy production, nerve cell function and carbohydrate metabolism. Good sources of B1 include soybeans, brown rice, sunflower seeds, wholes wheat and Brewer’s yeast.

Foods high in B6 – B6 is important in maintaining hormone balance, immune function and is involved in the formation and use of neurotransmitters. Good sources of B6 include Brewer’s yeast, whole grains, legumes, bananas, seeds, nuts, potatoes, Brussels sprouts and cauliflowers.

Foods high in Folate and B12 – Folate & B12 deficiency tend to decrease SAMe levels which is associated with depression. Good sources of folate and B12 include Brewer’s yeast, green leafy vegetables, low fat dairy and whole grains. Supplementation with folate and B12 can also increase serotonin levels.

Foods high in Vitamin C – Vitamin C increases immune functions and is important to the production of neurotransmitter production. Good sources of Vitamin C can be found in kale, parsley, collard greens, turnips, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, red chili peppers, mustard greens, fresh fruits including kiwi, strawberries and citrus of all kinds.

Foods high in Amino Acids –Tryptophan is a precursor to serotonin and melatonin. Tyrosine is a precursor to norepinephine and may stimulate thyroid hormone synthesis. Good sources of foods rich in amino acids include eggs, low fat dairy and meats. Choose organic and minimally processed.

Essential Fatty Acids (EFA)– Numerous studies have found that low levels of essential fatty acids can lead to depression. Good sources of EFA’s include flax seed oil, borage seed oil, pumpkin seeds and cold-water fish such as salmon, tuna, cod and sardines. Supplementation can also be helpful. Choose a supplement with EPA, DHA,GLA and Vitamin E (a natural preservative) Refrigerate to decrease chances of spoilage.

Other helpful foods – Garlic, Lecithin (good “brain” food), beans, pods, raw fruits and vegetables and tofu (if not sensitive to it).

I love the internet I really do but sometimes I wish I wasn’t so eager to research! My motto of “ignorance is bliss” needs to be adhered to some things are better off not knowing well I suppose I could follow the advice and change my diet HA HA!

Between you and me there is more chance of me waking up tomorrow morning with the winning lottery ticket in my pocket than there is of me changing my diet! But there is some room for adjustment I suppose it will take a lot of baby steps though to change my dietary habits of a lifetime.

Maybe I will start with the removal of Pepsi max as it’s the only thing besides tea that I drink, this explains the kidney stones LOL.

So there it is today’s “food for thought” discussion to think about!

I am now off to find the mythical Pringle’s man and kick him until he pops!