Unlucky For Some

The number 13 is an unlucky number for a lot of people.

My book has sold 13 copies! That’s the good news.

The bad news is that I consider 13 to be an unlucky number!

I have had a difficult weekend, spending most of it promoting the book via twitter and Facebook. At some point people are going to get fed up with me but until then I am milking it for all it’s worth to get people to notice and then buy my book.

When your as poor as I am then you have to do what you have to do to make some money!

The whole weekend has been spent in a state of exhaustion. Constantly being tired is not good especially if you’re short fused like me in terms of temper. Luckily most of the weekend has been spent on my own with Sheryl and the kids being out at the grandparents.

This means I have been taking my frustrations out on silly things like the keyboard almost going for a world record distance when it spells my words wrong. After all it is the keyboard making the mistakes and not me, right?

Of all the symptoms of depression the one that bothers me the most is the tiredness. It seems like I am tired for 20 hours a day! There is nothing worse than waking up and still feeling exhausted is there?

Give me about 2 hours after waking up and I will laying down again for an hours sleep!

So this week has started off with an exhausted moose! Only way is up from here!

In other news I have been completely taken off guard by some of the comments my book has received, on amazon it has two 5 star ratings and on twitter people have contacted me to say that they have enjoyed what they have read so far.

If only I could accept the praise it would be wonderful but that’s depression for you! The fact that people have taken the time to review the book or contact me is just unbelievable and in my moments of clarity I feel such an overwhelming feeling of pride that it is actually ME that is on the receiving end of praise.

By the way did I introduce you to Patch?


Patch the pooch!

I gave in to Lilybet’s puppy dog eyes and we got given a doggie!

The good thing about having a dog is that I HAVE to go out now and take him for walkies, although it’s more a case of him taking me for a walk.

Apart from his morning walk, which I cannot do until visiting nature myself LOL, I take him out 2 times a day for a good long walk. This is a good thing for someone who has been known to only leave the house in emergencies only.

So I am making strides, although I’m hoping it doesn’t get to the point where I only leave the flat with Patch at at my side.

Who knows maybe next I will be swapping my “comfy trousers” for some that smell clean and fresh LOL

Motivation, Frustration and Other Ion’s

Words ending in ion seem to weigh heavily in my life at the moment so I thought I would look into them in more detail and turn the negativity of some of them into positives.

Biggest one for me at the moment is motivation – 

“Motivation is literally the desire to do things. It’s the difference between waking up before dawn to pound the pavement and lazing around the house all day. It’s the crucial element in setting and attaining goals—and research shows you can influence your own levels of motivation and self-control. So figure out what you want, power through the pain period, and start being who you want to be.” 

How do I motivate myself when I don’t know what it is I want to do in my life? Setting goals is an easy enough thing to do, anyone can say I want to do this, that or the other but setting realistic goals is different entirely. Are the goals I want to set myself either realistic or achievable? Are they below my capabilities or am I exceeding my abilities? What I do know is that I am an intelligent person who has spent all of my adult life wasting my abilities – that is assuming I have some of course!

Since school I have had all types of jobs but never what I would call a career, is this because I cannot motivate myself to aim higher?  Can I do better with my life or I am simply happy to accept my lot and let the cards fall where they will? Maybe there is a pathway already set for me but I can’t yet see it or have not reached it yet? (That’s deep isn’t it?)

Some days the only motivation I have is simply to get up in the morning (or afternoon lol)

This leads to my second ion…


Everyone procrastinates sometimes, but 20 percent of people chronically avoid difficult tasks and deliberately look for distractions—which, unfortunately, are increasingly available. Procrastination in large part reflects our perennial struggle with self-control as well as our inability to accurately predict how we’ll feel tomorrow, or the next day.

Procrastinators may say they perform better under pressure, but more often than not that’s their way of justifying putting things off.

The bright side? It’s possible to overcome procrastination—with effort.

Sheryl will agree with this ion – I do tend to put things off until there are either done for me or its a last resort. I do prefer to work under pressure BUT in jobs where that has been the case I couldn’t handle the stress it brought me, it made me ill despite me bringing in results, which in turn earned me commission and like everyone I LOVED the commission!

this leads nicely to my next ion

Dedication – the state of being dedicated

The only thing in life I have ever really been dedicated to was playing football as a kid. I was good and had trials for professional clubs until my knee injury prevented me going any further in the game. Since then I have never shown much dedication to anything career wise, sure with my mafia wars group on Facebook I have been dedicated to that for 3 years but in that time nothing else. Does the lack of dedication come from the problem of motivation? 

Which then creates…

Frustration – 

a. The act of frustrating or an instance of being frustrated.
b. The state of being frustrated.

 Because I’m suffering with a lack of motivation, and anything to be dedicated to I get frustrated that my life appears to be heading nowhere which is a cause of…..yep you guessed it DEPRESSION

This dissection of my depression is fun!

The good news is that this blog is really helping me! I have a new motivation each day to write although I didn’t post yesterday but that is more because of me not wanting to burn out rather than I couldn’t be bothered! For the first time in years I have some inspiration rather than just perspiration!

I love seeing how many people have viewed my blogs but I want more viewers, more comments and a lot more people sharing my link lol. Where is the blog going to take me? who knows but it has reignited my love for writing that left me when I left school in 1995. Teachers always said I had a talent for writing and as long as I keep getting positive comments, messages of support on facebook and twitter then I hope the motivation and dedication continues because what I would like is appreciation, adulation and life free from complication!   

I could probably go on all day with words ending in ion but sometimes less is more! 

Until next time