Like an Unwanted Visitor it Returns

I have been so busy the past few days I had almost forgotten about my depression for the first time in years.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am always aware of it lurking somewhere in the background, waiting to jump out on me like a thief in the night but I always find keeping myself occupied keeps the depression at bay. This is why when I have my good periods I like to get as much done as possible before the inevitable reappearance of my black cloud. Visit here to learn more about my stalker.

I am usually on my guard, after a few good days I expect the depression to bring me back down to earth with a bump but every now and again it sneaks up on me and today is one of those days!

Started off like any other day wake up at 11 after struggling to sleep until 4am then the usual sign of anxiety, a mad rush to the toilet. When I need to go number 2 that badly it’s the first sign that today will be one of those days.

Checked bank account as my benefits are due today and naturally they are not there. I kind of expected this as I only sent off my medical certificate off on Wednesday but paid nearly £6 to guarantee it for next day delivery so the benefit office have no excuses and I am not in the right frame of mind to argue with these clowns over the phone because I end up having either a mild panic attack on the phone of my sweary shouty demeanor makes an appearance which is not nice because I end up saying what I really think and that could cause me more harm than good with the benefits office.

Last time I had to send my medical certificate in the payment was delayed by a few days so I am hoping that the same things happen now because I have 36p in my bank account this morning and that will not last me very long!

I AM in a better place these day I am so excited about the poem book and the response I am getting although it is all well and good being retweeted and receiving praise – what I need is submissions or there will be no book.

I am also almost ready to press ahead with my own book just finishing editing and making sure all the fonts are the same, which is driving me mad but needs doing. Kevin at voiceofglass has done a wonderful front cover for me and its now all about how motivated I can stay to get the editing phase done and get the book uploaded onto amazon. The good news is you dont need to have a kindle you can download kindle for pc and read it that way. Fingers crossed I get a few sales I might be able to treat myself!

I was tempted to call the books 50 shades of depression to attract more sales but not sure I could afford the lawsuit that would come with it.

Its also my wedding anniversary on the 9th so will be hoping the depression stays away for the day so I can celebrate 4 wonderful years of marriage and 7 years together. No presents though as 36p apparently doesn’t buy anything of note.

I wanted to say how grateful I am that I am making such wonderful friends now as a result of this blog and Weegee, Bourbon, Buckwheatsrisk, rach and Kevin are amongst them who I now consider friends as well as making new friends via twitter especially someone called “K” who has taken a great interest in my projects and is really helpful being a grammar nazi with the mistakes I make from time to time.

Depression is always knocking at the door but every now and then he manages to unlock it himself and find his way in. The good news is I am more ready to deal with the days when he is here than I have been for a long time, I just ignore him and go back to sleep 😀