I don’t write as much as I would like these days, the crippling self esteem issues make me feel like I have nothing much of interest to say at the moment particularly as the days seem to be exactly the same.
That being said I was visited by a very close friend who came over from Ireland just to give me a kick up the arse, which was much needed and it has given me the strength back to voice a few things that are bugging me!
Hold on to your horses folks and you may need to cover your eyes as this is going to get a bit sweary.
I am sick to the back teeth of people being snide, abusive and down right wanky towards me!
So here is a list of things that I am not…
Firstly as much as I would like to, I am not well enough to work! so you sending me messages telling me how you have to go TO WORK etc etc do not help me feel any better about myself. If I could go out to work and not spend the whole day worrying about where the toilet is, how my anxiety will cope with change do you not think I would be doing that?
I am not a cunt! I do not treat you like one so dont treat me like one in return! Whilst I spend time taking your mental health into account please remember that I have my own illness to combat.
I am not here to boost egos, confidence or just be used when you need someone to talk to. I see the pattern whereby when I need someone to talk to the invisible cloak comes out and I have to deal with things myself. It’s great to talk to someone as well as offer someone an ear but it has to be equal!
If you dont like something I say, tweet or post just fucking delete me, unfollow me whatever but do not message me moaning about it because I am not here to please everybody. I tolerate a lot of shit because I have worked damn hard to have some sort of reputation via this blog but no more will I be told what I can and cannot say! Kindly fuck off and take your opinions with you.
Because I didnt make plans to go to the other end of the country and fuck you it doesnt mean that you can appear every now and again with snide comments designed to belittle me and drag me down.
I am soft and weak when it comes to certain people but this is not an open invitation to use me when it suits you, I am not a door mat and despite first impressions I can do without you in my life. Step up or fuck off!
And the biggest thing that pisses me off is the amount of people that expect me to contact them first – no more me just giving if you cannot be bothered to send me a message, pick up the phone etc then time to say farewell.
I have depression, I suffer a lot with self esteem but with the help of Mary, Gary, Cougar, Sarah, Maria, Amy, Cindy, Caro and Juliana in particular I can see now how I am letting others destroy me because I do not stand up for myself enough.
When I am bad it would be nice if someone reached out to me, alas if I dont contact 90% of the people I know I hear fuck all from them.
Naturally people will automatically assume that they are being targeted by this post, but that is a sign that they have something to feel guilty about – as far as I am concerned keep that opinion to yourself because I am not interested in anyone bringing me down anymore.
And if you dont like it…. you know what to do!